Friday, June 30, 2006


The government has been slapped with two uneventful incidents of bullying recorded by mobile phones and posted in YouTube. This video was the latter incident found on yesterday's The STAR frontpage. Isn't it scary to see the video? Isn't it shocking to see that bullying is still on the rage? Well, not for us student, it's not. The worst part of it was that it was done by a group girls. I wouldn't call that a catfight cause the victim did not intend to retaliate at all! I must say that the boys in the video was pretty stupid to let the girls go at the victim for quite a while before realising that they're going to kill her (by pulling out chunks of her hair!).

To the adults out there, bullying has become part of the school life that the authorities and parents fail to realise. With the resurgence of the two videos, I can only say, it's about time! Getting involved in Projek Warga (Cititzen Project - direct translation) last year, we did our research on the 'bully' topic itself. We were supposed to find the cause of bullying and various ways to curb the problem. No, our team didn't win, if you were wondering.

Our research brought to our attention that bullies usually come from a broken family. The lack of love and unity is one of the main reasons. A family which practices violence is also one of the main causes why these bullies prey on other people, in the same way. Just like they always say, your actions and words relfects your family. This phrase is nevertheless true.
When there's a broken family, the child is definitely affected in a negative way, thus, resulting the child to know not what is right from wrong. Victims of child abuse are also more likely to become bullies. The reason is simply because they've been bottling up their angst and frustration, dealing with broken families at home and bullying just seems to be right for them to let it ALL out!

Are the parents to be blame solely for this? Not entirely.

Influenced by all forms of negativity is one of the reasons too! I was just searching for the video in YouTube to see it for myself, typing the word 'bully' on the search box and pressing hard on the Enter button. One of the search results (the number of real live bullying video that returned with the results was outrageous!) came with the description, "Just like WWE". If I'm not mistaken, it's one of those wrestling shows on TV. Can you imagine that? They're immitating wrestlers and applying them into their bullying antics! This is absurd!

I know it's nothing new to you cause it was like that when wrestling shows were aired on cable TV starting from 1999. But it hasn't stopped either! People are still copying the moves of this pro-wrestlers when the parents and the government thought that it was just going to be a temporary thing 7years ago! Don't get me wrong, wrestling is also a form of entertainment - that shouldn't be watched by brainless maniacs that think that whatever the wrestlers were doing were for real! Parents, once again, need to keep an eye on their children and filter their shows. The government being so strict on the age restriction when it comes to movies is not enough. Its the advertisements and shows on cable TV that needs the government's attention!

The other factor that's making the public concerned about the sudden uprising incident of bullies is peer pressure. Certainly, most bullies do not realise what they're getting themselves into when they nod their heads timidly when approached by a certain group leader. A comment I saw on another bully video on YouTube was that, "Why do I have the feelngs that chinese make the best bully? And they ALL need to be shot in the head!". That explains the existence triads, doesn't it? A chinese myself, I have no idea to why certain chinese like to join triads and gangs. I've been told once by a triad member that they'll provide protection. WTH?! What do you need protection for when you're doing nothing wrong?! I suppose when one joins a triad, they'll have to do as the leader says. Wait a minute, bullying leads to gangsterism... I'm getting off track.

My point is, like what you see in the video above, it's all happening when friends are around. One just doesn't simply go up and hit someone no matter how angry they might be! It only happens with the support and back up of friends. For as much as I know, the bully herself might be feeling guilty of what she's doing. She may be only doing it cause she was pushed by a friend. The possibilty is there. There are even some cases when tougher guys bully the weaker ones just to get attention or to amuse their bunch of friends. Absolutely useless.

Come to think of the word useless. Bullying brings no benefit at all. The bully tires himself/herself out and the victim ends up getting hurt, physically and mentally. The grudge and the anger of the bully will not go away. It'll stay. And by hurting the victim, the bully's just being reciprocatory. No change to the given situation. It's a total waste of time and energy. Unless, of course, you get yourself into local newspapers and achieve fame! *evil laugh*. So, to anyone who was thinking of taking up bullying as a second hobby... think again. Might as well indulge in a violent game to realease the tension.

PS : If anyone can find the other video about the boys bullying a mentally ill student, it'll be much appreciated if you give me the link.

Thursday, June 29, 2006


Someone : Why are you being so quiet?
Matt : Ahem... Am I?
Someone : Yes you are. You're quieter than usual.
Matt : Oh... my mouth hurts because of the braces.
Someone : Really?
Matt : *nods*
Someone : Something upsetting you?
Matt : *stares blankly*

I've been getting quite alot of that lately. I realise my speech and talkative-ness has been reduced since I had to wear that heinous rubber band over my braces to keep my mouth shut. I've decided to shut up now that barely anyone could hear my speech. It feels like I'm speaking German or something when everybody I talk to goes, "Hah? What? I beg your pardon!". I, for one, am not fan of repetition. It's annoying when I can't get my messages through and I'd have to repepat myself for several times before getting to it. Why the fuss, I asked myself. Might as well shut up and cause no one to assume that they've got hearing disorders.

That was just part of the reason why my noise level got lowered down in the past couple of days. Talking to this particular someone the other day, it made me realise the hidden reason I was so subdued lately. When that particular someone's question was pointed towards me, "Something upsetting you?" it got my insides churning. "Is there?" I thought silently to myself as I stare at the monitor blankly for a moment or two. For as long as I can remember, I'm more of a jovial and exuberant (sometimes over-exuberant, as I've been told) person and nothing could possibly make me shut up like what I'm doing now.

I didn't answer for quite sometime when the particular someone shot me another question, "You upset over Grace's departure for varsity?". And then, it hit me. The words hit me like a train - although it was typed and sent through the Internet. I was actually upset over the fact that Grace was going to leave soon. It occured to me that I was trying to hide these feelings by surpressing them inside of me. It's slowly showing through my silence, I guess. The particular someone was right! It felt as though the particular person understood me and for a second, I thought the particular someone knew how I felt. I dismissed the thought by saying that it's just a wild guess by that particular someone. Our conversations did not continue after that. I just closed the chat window and kept silent.

After what seemed like hours, thinking about Grace, I forced myself to pull out my Maths textbook to complete the homework Mr. Khor gave. As I tried to solve the equations, pressing harder and harder on the pencil that a dent was visible on the back pages, I kept saying to myself, "How could I have missed it? This was the reason! Look at how it's affecting me!".


Which reminds me, I haven't packed my bags for this weekend yet. LOL. I'm sure you're bored out about my packing dilemmas by now. I'm certainly not THAT excited about this trip.

Inter-Class English Oral Competition.

I noticed a drastic change on the bottom set of my teeth. Brushing my teeth doesn't feel right at all. It felt like I was brushing some foreign object that replaced my teeth a couple of days ago and the structure of the whole thing was plain weird. My teeth doesn't hurt that bad anymore. It's slowly getting used to the force of the rubber band. So immuned to it that I can already yawn (quite) widely and my immitation towards a Mariah Carey song (or nowadays, Siti Nurhaliza) is improving.

Seeing that my teeth was feeling better, I consoled myself to take up the honour of representing the class for the oral competition. Well, not exactly. Mr. Goh did give us the details during his English lesson, yesterday, when he contemplated a little bit whether or not to explain further to the class about building of the machine in the The Sound Machine. His words were convincing enough to believe at that time to make us agree on representing the class. I went home doubting his words, though. Doubting that it was only a lie from him to trick us into saying yes. Turns out to be, he was true. It was nothing like a public speaking competition. No restless students as audience and no stern judges to face. No staggering up on stage also!

It was literally an oral competition. Just like the ones we have in class to gain extra credits for SPM later next year. The only difference is that this is done to another English teacher, one on one. No big deal. Seriously. I'm not trying to be complacent or boastful, but this is nothing compared to the reading I do in church. We didn't have to prepare the text for this as we were provided with one. Something about the Straits of Malacca. Some questions were asked after the passage. I had a little difficulty answering the questions cause I was pretty much focused on the technical part instead of the understanding part. Nevertheless, I pulled through.

I could easily tell that none of us were nervous at all, given the relaxed environment in the hall, after we were run over by the rules of the competition. It was quite an easy job actually. Read and answer. I can't believe all the fuss I went about, being nervous about this! It was so useless. There wasn't any sweaty palms and fidgety fingers, sitting on the perfectly alligned chairs, being briefed about the rules, over and over again. No sign of a tight bladder and perspirations of The whole thing was nothing as I expected. This was my first time entering a "competition" as such.

I totally don't expect to win or anything but I'm pretty happy that I did it... after knowing that it wasn't difficult after all! Mr. Goh kept telling me that, "Go beat them flat!". My only reply was, "OMG, sir, you're putting the pressure on me!". Sometimes, a little pressure is all I need to get me going.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Of Afternoons, Painful Teeth and Decisions.

Somehow, to be comparing THREE History essays to plain old blogging, I prefer the latter on this extremely warm and lazy afternoon. The rainy season looks like it's packing its bag to make way for the sun. Afternoon temperatures could get quite stressfull at my place, adding to the already very humid room of mine. It's almost impossible to get by my afternoons (dry) without the fan directly pointed towards me. My player's currently playing N'Sync - Bye Bye Bye. Definitely not helping me to cool down my afternoon, I know.

School's been pretty much a drag nowadays due to my lack of sleep. Could barely throw in any attention in class without closing my eyes. The heat hasn't been helping me much with trying to stay awake in class while my mind silently sneaks away into some other land before I find myself drooling all over the Maths textbook. My bioligical clock's pretty screwed up also. It's hard for me to sleep at night and I find myself daydreaming (most of the time) to the depths of an afternoon nap. Even reading Harry Potter (I'm still not done with it!) in broad daylight just means an afternoon filled with yawns and teary eyes. What else when it comes to History!

Other than that, pretty much nothing's happening.

Grace have been busy (still) packing. Which reminds me... We're all going down to KL this weekend. Family roadtrip to send Grace for university. Not sure where we're going to put up for the night, yet but I've got a feeling mom has contacted her friend to accomodate us for one night. Exciting? Not when you're sending your sister off to some unknown place for the next three years! Of course, things would be so much easier if I was the dominating type and I just can't wait for her to leave the house so that I can take over! Not me.

Another thing is, I've been chosen to represent the class for the Annual Inter-Class Public Speaking Competition. I've mentioned this before. I never did create an essay to prepare for this competition. I thought that the competition was going to be dropped off considering there wasn't any news or warning from Mr. Goh. He proved me wrong when he popped in into the class on Monday so suddenly that I almost fell off my chair that I was two-legging on, bringing the dreaded news. This time, it's different. I'm not even sure what you call this. We're supposed to only go up on stage and read a passage provided by the judges and be asked 2 questions. Save me the trouble of preparing my own speech and memorising it to only find myself staggering and stuttering on stage this Thursday!

The idea of reading in front of the whole 4th Form students isn't really comforting despite the fact that I've already gained enouh experience reading Sunday readings as a lector in church. The crowd is different. At church, I only read to the people interested in hearing the Word Of God. Here, I'm reading to a whole bunch of students who don't even give a shit about the passage but to the person reading it. Oh trust me, when I say they're going to judge me and make me the subject of ridicule for the rest of the term. I've always been a good judge of character. So far, it has never failed me - well, maybe once or twice down the road of judgement. =P. Still... I'm pretty sure it's going to happen. Why did I even volunteer in the first place?!

Being ridiculed and rejected have always been the two things that I never quite did handle well besides getting judge wrongly.

The only ticket out of this is to tell Mr. Goh that my teeth really hurts and as much as I want to do it, he'll have to get a substitute. It does. After my monthly dental check-up (to tighten the braces and check for improvements) last Sunday, the doctor made me wear a heinous pair of rubber band over my braces to straighten the position of my bottom jaw. I'm required to change a new pair everyday, which I'm facing difficulty of doing so every morning before I buckle my belt in front of the mirror. The rubber bands are the size of an ant and I'm supposed to pull it all the way round from my bottom wisdom tooth to the K-9 tooth and down to the bottom K-9. Yeah, you can almost hear the elasticity of the rubber stretching to hold my big mouth together.

My teeth as it is... restricted from talking.

It really restricts movements of my mouth. The farthest my mouth can open is to the extend that I can fit a only piece of paper in. Put it this way, my baby finger can't even fit in through the tiny opening between my top and bottom sets of teeth when I desperately try to open it, with the fear of the rubber band snapping and hitting the insides of my mouth! Piak. It definitely affects my speech and my pronounciation. I can neither yell or scream and I'm mostly speaking through gritted teeth. Think of over-exaggarated s and blurred speech - like through the buzzer. The only time I'm allowed to take this off is during meal time and when I'm brushing my teeth. The time taken to complete both activities have suddenly increased over the past few days. Even when the rubber band is lifted, my speech is still affected like 10% and I can't sing anymore! The mouth automatically pulls itself together everytime I try to open my mouth to imitate Mariah Carey!

So do you think I should just shut up and let someone else represent the class for the competition or should I just carry on without the rubber bands on Thursday? I'm really not fond of going under the spotlight. You know me, I'd rather sit in the stands and be a spectator than to steal the limelight and have everyone make fun of me!

This whole lack-of-confidence thing has got to stop! Urgh. As I've been told by someone, I still have to work on alot of my personal issues and attitudes. I'll leave that for next time, if I ever feel like saying anything. My speech in school and elsewhere have been reduced drastically since the beginning of the week. I just shut up most of the time unless I'm required to speak. Nobody could understand what I'm talking about even if I were to open my mouth.

Now, I've gotta get back to my History essays and ponder over the competition.

Saturday, June 24, 2006


I'm bummed . grrr. Literally. I feel like I've been cheated all these while. I'm sure it wasn't there when I signed up for Flickr last year! How could they do this?! How can I possibly afford Us dollars in the first place? Unless someone were to sponsor me. =P.

Considering that, I was thinking of looking up for a new site where I could upload and share my photos and get feedbacks and stuff like that, you know.

Save the search, I'll just create a photoblog here! I know there wouldn't be any comments or friends. At least it beats the hell out of LIMITATIONS! So, watch out for my photoblog! Don't know when I can even find the time to start one. *sighs*

What Have I Been Up To...

...been hooked up with Nelly Furtado's Loose.

...been changing the computer's style.

...been busy with Flickr till it stopped on me.

...been uplifting the face of my desktop.

...been upgrading my programs.

...been listening to alot of AOL Radio.

...and of course, blogging.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Saturday Night.

It's Friday night. The end of another long and tiring week. This was a really really long week. My weekend is filled with another pile of homework and assignments. Adding to my previous unfinished heap. I just got like, 2 inches of homework done of the previous pile. I don't know how in the world am I going to cope with this new pile of assignments and homework. *scratches head* Urgh. *pushes the pile to the side*

I spent my whole Friday afternoon, internet-surfing (again). It's so addictive. I get so absorbed into cyberspace once I start and it's kind of impossible to get my eyes off the bulky 17-inch, 3 month-old, monitor. As you can see, I've finally found a pretty neat way to upload music on the blog. But I've got to admit that the music's kind of annoying when you're a heavy music listener like me, who has the speakers turned on with songs for 24-7, cause it disrupts your music at a very undesirable time. I still like it. Spent half of my afternoon making changes to the blog. Maybe I was just suddenly inspired by MayaKirana's talk earlier today that I felt a sudden urge to upgrade my blog to a bearable state - the introduction was awful! I think it's better now. Let me know what you think.

Spent the rest of the afternoon editing pictures and uploading them onto Flickr, visiting DeviantArt, Wincustomize, Velocity Forums and checking my emails. I've stopped downloading stuff for the present moment, if you were ever wondering. Can't seem to find anything to download these days. *yawns*. I've been pretty busied with the new camera. I've been taking it down for daily evening walks around the housing area. It's slowly turning into a workout for me, cause I tend to sweat alot during these walks. My photo editing skills have been nothing but useless clicks of the mouse to desperately make the photos beautiful. I haven't installed Adobe Photoshop CS2 since my last computer breakdown. Never got the hang of it. I'm thinking of installing it after I get some really easy graphical guidebook on Photoshop CS2. Dummies just ain't working! My eyes are not trained for thousands of tiny words, printed in black and white on dull grey pages.

Anyways, as far as I know, the 23rd, 24th and 25th of June are days of clashing events. I've had my eyes on the Cheer 2006 event. It's held in Komtar Geodesic Dome on the 23rd and 24th of June. No sepcific reasons of me wanting so mcuh to be there, but I just wanted to get in with the crowd to see how it's like to be in one of these cheerleading events, despite the fact that the shots of the participating squads published in the newspapers don't impress me much. Part of it is also because of the camera. Another gaining experience for me if I was there. Besides, Soo Kui Jien's going to be there. At least get an autograph. =)

Other than a cheer event which I am not attending anymore to accomodate dad's schedule, there is also the Hotlink Football Beach Party tomorrow (Saturday) at Bayview Beach Resort. It's stated that it starts at 5pm but who knows when it'll end. Initially, I was going to invite Grace to come along with me to the events but since she got her schedule all filled up, trying to fit in all sorts of activities with her friends and colleagues before she actually leaves, leaving no time for her family, I'm just going to sit at home, curled up in my own little corner, reading the remaining pages of Harry Potter and the Order Of Phoenix. Mom offered to go with me to the beach party, but... I don't think it's a suitable place for her or any of my parents for that matter.

Once again, I'm living up to my title as the social loser. That's my life, huh?

The other event I know that's been going on is that Mac at Gurney Plaza is holding a sale for the three consecutive days that I've mentioned. Would love to go and have a look but I'm so broke. After the sudden purchase of a camera that costed near to RM2000, mom and dad are pretty much still in the lost of words when it comes to mentioning the price of the camera. Hey, we're not from a well-off family!

It looks to me I'll be spending my Saturday night listening to Nelly Furtado's latest album Loose or Teddy Geiger's Underage Thinking, sitted in front of the computer, reading June's copy of Digital Camera Magazine over and over again and maybe will continue with the Canon Powershot S3 IS manual that is still folded halfway through the little book, under my desk.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

"Say It Write!"

Think of musty, old car seats with torn edges of the cushion and exposed yellow coloured sponge of an unkept school bus. Torn curtains and broken window sills that could easily take out the life of someone careless was hard not to miss with a RM120 rental fee. That was exactly the way it was in the old rented bus that brought us to KDU College, Penang Campus, in conjunction of the KDU's Literary day. As usual, I was urged by Mr. Goh to go and I happily accepted the offer (though, it included kicking someone out who was less interested).

I tagged along with the group, knowing nothing about what's going to happen there.

It turned out to be a short talk on four main subjects (blogging, story-writing, public speaking and literature) by various speakers to promote the English language itself, for students and collegians alike. It was technically, (only) an hour-long talk on the four different subject, divided into two theatres. I got myself into short story writing/narrative writing by Robert Raymer. I have a little bit about him printed on the back of the piece of paper I got when I got in the theatre but I wouldn't wanna post it here. Cause it would be classified as plagarism, then. =). If you know who he is, good. If you don't, he's been teaching Creative Writing at USM and had had his works published in various mediums.

There was a great number of turn up from schools all over Penang and there was insufficient sitting space in the theatre. I got to sit on one of the steps alongside the many discourteous students who had their butts glued to the seats that they were so reluctant to move (just a little bit) for newcomers to sit on the bench. Instead, they just stare blankly into space when they see an oncoming person (i.e. teachers) who needed a seat, until they are instructed to move. Maybe they're just overly-bashful to share seats with strangers?? Urgh! Teenagers nowadays! So bashful! I offered my seat to my Mrs. Saw at the sight of her standing and graciously sat on the stairs. I'm not praising myself, for crying out loud! It's basic courtesy and politeness that community lack off these days.

So, there I was, sitted quite uncomfortably on the top most cascading step, in the middle, with my BRATs notebook and a pen, eagerly waiting to hear what Mr. Raymer had got to say! It was some basic guidelines to guide one on starting to write narratively about their experiences. Frankly, nothing new to me (i'm not being complacent, it's just true!). But he did give some really good tips on writing one's experiences. The down part was that his voice projection through the microphone wasn't loud at all, resulting to people sitting at my distance, struggling to grasp trails of his sentences and some accentuated words. I did take down some useful notes.

But then, it seemed to me that I was the only one from my school who was actually paying attention and taking notes all the way. I guess they're just not as interested in writing as I am. They barely paid any attention. All they did was whisper in hush voices among themselves, throughout the whole hour. It was kind of a turn down point for them guys as the only girls who were there were either nerdy or geeky. Seriously, I don't understand them guys with their over-raging hormones. They talk about girls like they talk about cars! I just think it's plain rude for the women society to be treated like that by oversexed-up men.

Mr. Raymer ended his session by promoting one of his book entitled Lovers and Strangers Revisited which costed about RM25. I must say, the little promotion at the end made the whole session looked like a gimmick/hoax to publicise his work. Though, I'm pretty sure he doesn't need them. It just made me feel cheated into listening to his talk to purchase his book at the end. You know, like direct-sales? When the salesperson put you through a spledid presentation and sum it all up with an irresistable offer. That sucked.

The session was carried on by another speaker by the name of Krista Goon about blogging. Students who were uninterested in that area left immediately for another talk in the other theatre, leaving spaces to be occupied by blogging enthusiasts like me. I did follow my schoolmates to the third row of seats and settled myself there comfortably. There's also some background details about her printed at the back of the piece of paper I received earlier. Basically, she's the co-founder of Redbox Studio and she desings websites for companies for a living. Having the courage to come forward to a flood of strangers (and probably blogging dummies) to shine some light on the blogging, she must have the courage to show all of us her blog. Find more about her, if you wish!

I dutifully held my hand high up in the air when she asked, "How many people here, blog?", explaning a little about the term blog when she saw the open jaws of a number of people. Like a normal speaker who was given only an hour (or so) to speak on a particular subject, all she could do was to provide simple and basic guidelines to blogging. I didn't quite take alot of notes, except writing down all the addresses of the blogs she showed us. There was no time for in-depth explanation to blogging but what she said was, "If you wanna blog, make sure you remember that it's going to be public. So don't write anything that you might not want your mom to read about!". Another useful tip for blogging dummies was that, "Don't force yourself to write. Don't make a schedule for writing and deliberately try to make it daily. Write whenever you want!".

The most powerful thing she said throughout the session was, "Please do not abuse the English language when blogging. I know alot of teenagers like to use short forms, turning the word people into ppl. You don't do it because you have the right to do so! Blogging is free but there are still some rules that a blogger should not break. Please respect your readers and use simple, understandable English!". I it was indeed profoundly true when it comes to teenagers! I know, I've never taken the initiative to capitalise my sentences when I first started blogging, but still, I NEVER did use the "sms lingo"! Teenagers out there, if you wish to blog, please do it the right way! Don't do it all YOUR way, cause sometimes, your ways might be despicable.

I thought that she really gave a good talk and her message was really strong for bloggers. It was an honour to meet such a great blogger, in real life. I gathered up my courage,
and timidly made my way through the flood of crowd who were pushing each other to make it to the exit, to greet her and have a word with her. She was as nice as she looked to be. Nothing personal, but she did eject some vibrant aura about herself. I gave her my blog address and surprisingly, she did visit! I mean, I really did not expect some high-profile blogger to pay attention to a plebeian blogger. Speaking through experience. Good to know that there are still some really nice people out there in the world.

I made my way into the crowd again and followed the other schoolmates to get on our old mutilated bus. I couldn't help but felt please about the entire visit to KDU. It was truly beneficial, for me. Not sure about the others. I headed my way to McD (as usual) after getting off the bus to wait for dad. Back to the flood of blue pinafores and ponytails in the busy environment of McD where schoolgirls and schoolboys potentially become attention seekers. Oh, grow up!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

All Good Things (Come To An End).

"Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?"

Every good thing does come to an end. Here, when I was thinking to myself that Grace would probably still be here, begging me to go shopping with her with her next pay check, she's packing her bags for her studies. Literally. It was dumb of me to actually think that it'll last. At least, for a little while more. I thought she could still be here dictating me on my next algebraic equation. Now, all the supended equations that I was too lazy to even ask her would be left unanswered. *sighs*

Well, we got our prayers answered and she got her varsity application approved. The trip down to K.L. for that interview was worthwile, after all. Not to say I'm not happy for her, I seriously am glad that she gets to pursue her studies. Her sudden change of mood the past two days could easily give her off as OVERjoyed! She's leaving by the end of this month, which is in 2weeks time. She's happy, and I just feel lost. I find the thought of her leaving for varsity quite depressing (here I go again, all emotional again).

She's my sister isn't she?

She's also my best friend (how ironic!). Someone who I can easily turn to. Over the years of cat-fights and hair-pulling situations, we've grown to love each other like we've never loved anyone else before. Honestly, when I was eight, the thought of getting along with that old nasty witch was absolutely out of the question! The only thing we shared together was endless screaming and yells and of course, the same parents. I always see her as the person whom I can hate the most in the world. She was a disciplinarian (I think it's just in the blood), that's for sure. She used to make me do the dishes with a cane, standing by my side, as I did whatever she said helplessly while I tried to wipe off the tears trickling down into the dishes from my eyes. That was the nasty witch I was referring to! However, she really did knocked some basic kitchen skills into me till today (I can do dishes!)!

Due to unforseen circumstances, things started to change between us dramatically as we grew up. No more canes and yells. The catfights stopped and we could suddenly be singing along together to the tune of Britney Spears' Baby One More Time. That was one of the classical moments we had, eh? Thanks to her, I got to know about Backstreet Boys and Christina Auilera back then! Thinking back, I really do miss her. Wait, she's not even gone yet! LOL. Still, we learnt to love each other as brother and sister and by the time we were both officially teenagers, the bond between us was (and is still) really tight. She comes to me and I go to her for advices and stuff alike. She has always been the one that's been "taming" me and (actually) vice versa. Of course, we both have our own distinguishable weaknesses that we were constantly reminding each other about.

Most people are actually surprise to see the love we share between us both. C'mon, how many elder sister and younger brother relationship do you see that's not dysfunctional? We go out and we really stick together. "Wah, you're so close with your brother, Grace!" one can easily hear the other exclaim about our closeness. Growing up as Catholics too, we were brought up in a home with unconditional love. I guess we'll have to give credit to that also. Besides, mom and dad has always stressed on a strong bond between siblings. Now that we've grown so close to each other, it's kind of an understatement if I said I didn't mind her going at all.

Of course, putting up with a false smile while giving her a a warm tight bear hug, spluttering out the word, "Congratulations", while I deliberately fought back my tears, was hard enough. It's not my card to pull to say that I don't encourage her to go. Mom's as worried as I am, considering her history of changing boyfriends as aften as changing lipsticks! No, she's not a slut, if you were thinking of that! It was just in her teenage years that she thought boyfriends were the IN thing. LOL. Immaturity runs in the family too, I can say. KL isn't a very safe place to stay either, is it now? With endless numbers of crime reports each day spotted in the newspapers, mom was so close to refusing her the opportunity to pursue her studies in KL. Until dad stopped her from doing so, only she did returned to her normal self. The only thing I can do is pray that God protects her and guides her every move when she's living alone in the big, dangerous, city of KL!

The news of her varsity application approval didn't reached my ears firsthand. I was kind of pissed off about that, by the way. It was kind of hard to grasp the fact that she was leaving on the 30th of June to a 3-year long course on Linguistic in Universiti Malaya. It had an affect on me of some sort when I got the news from mom as she entered the car. I was on the verge of breaking down when I thought, quietly, to myself of the day she was leaving to venture into a whole new world of varsity life! Frankly, I DO have a heavy heart when it comes to her leaving the house. The last time she left the house was when she finished her SPM, to Perth to get some business knowledge with Aunt Teresa - she owns an acupunctre centre with her husband and earns a decent living in Perth. That took her about a month or so, I can't remember. That ws also a hard time for us. And now, she's leaving for three years! I'm beginning to miss her already!

Bah, three years sounds long when I out it THAT way! Mom says it's just going to be snap of a finger before we actually attend her convocation. LOL. Sharing the same feeling as I am about Grace's varsity life, mom's always thinking of picturusque futures. I'm sure she's going to make alot of trips back and we're going to make alot of trips there, right? Right? Right? *bites nails*. I've taken the liberty to draw up some new rules like, making an effort to always come back for someone's birthday and important occasions! She still needs her monthly dental check-up in Penang! Insurance of a meet every month! Am I being too selfish here? Don't think so. I'm keeping this to myself. Besides, I'm not restraining her from going!

I hope she mixes with the right crowd when she's there and I hope that we'll still be as close as we are now when she comes back. As much as I don't like the thought of her going, I still want her to go! It's for the best for everyone! She'll graduate and earn a good living and I'll just live off her! LOL. Just a little future-planning we used to do on our own, predicting our own future and how it's going to be like whe we're both grown-ups. How fast time flies when you're spending it with your loved ones. I still have an old picture of her, in her pretty littele red dress carrying me in her arms so joyfully!

Oh, I can't wait for the 3 years to come to an end!
Life's definitely going to be really different when she's not around. Her bedroom's going to be empty, only akak's going to be occupying that room. I'm going to have to get used to spending lonely nights watching Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives alone now. Until those 3years come to a an abrupt hault, I'm still asking myself with these questions.

Who am I going to point my Add. Maths questions to know?

Who am I going to turn to when trouble arises now?

Who am I going to share my food with now?

Who am I going to share gossips with?

Who is she going to turn to for fashion tips when she's living alone?

Who am I going to scream Delta Goodrem's song with?

Will she write to me like she used to when she was in Perth?

Who am I going to go shopping with now?

Who's going to spend the whole night staying up watching movies with me now?

I was also thinking of taking my motorbike license since I've already passed the legal age of bike-riding in this country. Now that Grace is going away, I'm immobilised completely! I guess the bike should compensate, huh? And yes, my title and introduction is from one of the titles of Nelly Furtado's songs in her latest album (Loose). It just sets the right mood for me to "celebrate" Grace's departure. OMG, I'm making it sound like she's dead or something! *smacks my own head*.

How I love my sister. =)

"Honestly what will become of me

I don't like reality

It's way too clear to me

But really life is daily

We are what we don't see

We missed everything daydreaming"

Saturday, June 17, 2006

A Durian Life.

As you can see, I've changed the blog title once more. This is my third second change of the blog title - if you don't consider the initial title (fanciful pretty little title entitled Me Myself and I) I came up with when I registered, a title at all! I figured that was an over-self-centred title so I changed it to It's Not Easy To Be Me (what? It felt right at THAT time!). That title lasted me pretty long didn't it? However, I sense childish-ness in that title, which absolutely does not refer well to my blog. I know I'm not THAT mature, yet, a change of title in occasion with a 16th birthday looks like a pretty good idea and tells of a coming of age. LOL. I know what you're thinking, "Oh please, 'It's A Durian Life' doesn't sound at all mature or masculine and it makes no sense!".

If this was true, I urge thee reader once again, to leave. As I always do to readers who simply disapproves off me me. This is my blog and I can do whatever I want, regardless of what you think off it! Pardon the bad pun. I just think it serves the reader as well as the writer (in this case, me) justice.

"But why 'It's A Durian Life' of all the comparisons in the world!" I hear thee reader ask! I'll try to explain and knock some sense into thee reader who does not understand me and considering the fact that there's an actual limit of 500 characters on the blog introduction column! Obviously, the title was driven by my love for durian and the starting of this year's durian season - a season when all local fruits like rambutans and mangosteens begins to ripe and are ready to be fed to the hungry human-vultures that have been waiting for a whole year! It came to me as an "inspiration" when I was having durian on my birthday while waiting for my distant-related-uncle to open the next durian, anticipated, wide-eyed and drooling. Before you continue reading, I warn you, this is all simply my intepretation of how things work in life and therefore are very objective. It's my perspective and the way I choose to see things.

The message came through to me that one will never know what is in the durian till one opens it. The durian experts could easily see the "type" or "flavour" by simply looking at a durian and its physical appearances but they're not necessarily correct all the time! Similar to life. We can never expect what life has to offer! It's so spontaneous (yes it is! It's only crazy people who make their life an all-planned living hell) and so full of surprises! We can always try our best to predict what will happen next but we're never all the time correct, unless you're psychic or something. But then, that'll make you crazy also! It also applies to the people we meet throughout our life. We are so used to judging a particular someone even before taking some time to know them better that it has become oblivious to us now! I do that too. At times, I judge people by their actions and physical appearances, but I usually keep it on the down-low. Again, we will not necessarily be an excellent judge of character ALL the time! Not until we open up that durian and have a taste out of it.

Any experienced durian lover can easily tell you that worm-infested durians are always the best durians! Theory is, the worms have good taste and only go for quality durians. We're talking about big, fat, juicy worms here! Personally, I've never tried worm-infested durians (only the good side of the durian) but both grandmothers have always offered, with an outstretched arm holding the cutout shell and the other arm with the bits of the infested durian peeled out, saying that it tastes good! I have not the guts to even go near them! I'll usually opt for the healhtier looking ones, with a heavenly smell and bright yellow for colours. I certainly am no durian expert, despite the fact that I've been eating them for the past 16 years of my life! I only consider the colour and the smell before picking it up with my 5 stubby fingers and putting it into my mouth after having a pinch out of it. Usually, it's mom who does all the judgement before saying, "Matt, this is good type one! Eat this!"

Life experiences are also the same with the case of eating durians. We can come across such horrible events in our life that it hurts to even think about it. Yet, we still can come across such happy events in life that could easily bring tears of joy into our eyes, when we think about it! For instance, deaths and newborns. Events that are inevitable in the normal human life. It could bring so much joy and so much pain to us! Like it or not, we'll have to come face to face with it sooner or later. It's just a matter of time. When crucial situations surfaces, we are use to breaking down and giving up, usually complaining about how bad life is! What about those happy moments that we had? Have you ever stopped and thank God for a minute when you're having so much fun during the last holiday trip to Australia? Without the good and the bad events to balance, we will never learn how to appreciate the good times. Seriously, the only reason why I think we come across bad events, is to remind us of the good times we had and to help us learn how to appreciate it. One thing's for sure, we are bound to come across worm-infested durians.

Living a durian life is certainly not a a glamorous one. Like durians, hanging on the branches of the tree is just temporary. No matter how careful we can be, we still fall and fail (sometimes). We can never decide to just hang on one spot and feel safe all the time! Life's just simply not like that! It's all about coming down-to-earth, descending with humility and taking chances. If you decide to hang on the tree, then be my guest. Cause one day, you'll still fall flat on your butt! =P.

Another thing about durians is that they are not exceptional when it comes to competition. It still goes through the same processes of life to strive for food from the mother tree. They're also some breeds that are put into an actual competition to compete in their qualities and essence! Thus, like the human pageant! LOL. Reality is, the life out there, too, are filled with challenges and competitions! It's actually a survival-of-the-fittest world out there! It's scary to see (till what great extents) what humans can do to survive in the harsh world where everyone is constantly competing for power and money. While we are caught up in the never-ending search for power and money, let's pause every once in a while to be thankful of what we have and give those people who are less fortunate a thought.
That's life, baby! No one ever said it was easy! Everyday is a challenge! Living life itself is a challenge!

Durians are generally nicknamed the 'King of the Fruits' with its mighty physical appearance and the strong smell it emits! Like a durian, we can all be liked and be disliked at the same time! Some people (mostly Westerners) despise the fruit and fringe at the smell of it, while Asians like me, couldn't possibly think of a world without durian! Like durians, people can hate us with all their heart but you'll be surprised to know the amount of people that actually loves you! That's what I call family.
Wherever we go, no matter what we do, whatever effects it may have on the people around us, a family will always love us unconditionally like someone who loves his durians! We will always come crawling back to our origins when shit happens beyond our expectations! For the people who hate us, well, that's just too bad for them. But in my case, Grace dislikes durians just because she's afraid of the effects of durian consumption.

We're all special and unique in our own ways like all the durians out there! Each, moulded so carefully by the Creator to be brought into this world to do good to mankind. Until the day I benefit the community, I realise that my blog introduction still needs a little work and that I'm going to have to cut down durian consumption this season as I'm already on the obese side on the BMI chart. *sighs*. Living a durian life is not easy after all.

A durian life : Durians are an aphrodisiac! =P

Friday, June 16, 2006

Ordeal In School.

4th day into the beginning of a new semester, I've already been bombarded by a gigantic amount of workload! Seriously, a mountainous heap of homework and assignments in just FOUR days! Ain't no mountain high enough, I say! I have no idea how much the amount escalated until I came back today and tried to finish some and got so discouraged when I gathered them all up. Frankly, there are still homework and assignments that were procrastinated and carried from the previous semester, adding to the amount I already have to deal with. The new principal has done it. He's dominating the whole school and changing it to an educational boot camp!

My dislikeness towards him has been escalating too since the beginning of the new semester. Secretly throwing curses at him at the very sight of him - with his ridiculously combed hair and his obtrusive glasses, worn at such a way that middle of the glasses rests at the tip of his nose making his eyes overlook the glasses, with his tiny little moustache covering his upper lip - everytime he decides takes a stroll in our hallways, trying to check on our behaviour and attitude. Oh, he is such a pompous ass! The school is in dire need of a more jovial and friendlier principal! I wonder how can the teachers put up with his sickly arrogance and his ego! I'll smack him in the face if I could!

That is so not me...

The re-shuffled timetable has taken its effect on us - with puffier and heavier schoolbags, causing us to either slouch to support the weight of the bag or to be pulled backwards, giving in to the weight of the bag! The extended time schedule has been making school feel like it lasts forever, every single day! Time seems to be crawling as slowly as a grandmother snail during school hours. Hence, resulting to more daydreaming and droopy eyes in class, especially the last two hours before you actually hear the delightful ring of the school bell.

Eventually, I've finally got all my results for the first term examinations and it has never been this horrible before! There's no chance of me trying to post them here but I can say that it's the worse of the worse in the history of examinations! Never had so many failed subjects before! I realise what I've done wrong this semester and it's up to me to change it this second term. The question is, can I? Can I gather myself up for this upcoming exam? It's depressing to even give it a thought. But... I've been diligently (thankfully, I can say) trying my best to complete my work lately. I definitely don't burn midnight lamps and stuff like that but I do have some (sudden) certain inclination towards fulfilling the "responsibility of a student".

Maybe I'm just driven by the new camera. Feeling a need to make the parents happy once in a while with good results. Big possibility there.

Back to re-shuffled timetables and messed up school hours. The timetable's been a real pain in the neck for me. Despiteful subjects - Add. Maths and Maths top the list - are spread out throughout the whole week! We have Maths, B.M. and Add. Maths for four consecutive days for the rest of the remaining semester! Those subjects require alot of mind-wrenching thinking, which I am absolutely incapable of if it's to be continuous! LOL. Not so true... but it can be tiring (not to mention, nerve-wrecking) seeing the amount of homework Mr. Samad and Mr. Khor throw at us by the end of the week. Lessons are being cut to only one period when the subjects are spread out like this, instead of the old fashioned two periods. It gets rather annoying when you see a person too many times in a week, especially when you don't exactly favour that person.

The only thing that makes my days going to school feel worth it is English. English, like all the other unlucky subjects, received the same fate of being shredded into tiny pieces throughout the week. It's the ONLY bright side for me. English seems to be the only enjoyable subject for me. Not exactly enjoyable, but at least, understandable. Mr. Goh is by far one of the friendliest and sociable teacher I've ever known. There's no pressure or tension when you're around him. He communicates with his students and reaches through to them in a more effective way. Still, he could be a little over-relaxing sometimes when it comes to studies. Other than that, he makes the day seem brighter, teaching English.

The extended time schedule has also taken a toll on the students as well, with the complains of hunger at the time when it was previously our recess. It's just ludicrous to extend every single period in the timetable except for the recess - it still remains as half an hour only. It's kind of harsh on the students, don't you think?? Mr. Rani says that the principal doesn't want the time (school dismisses) to differ too much from the previous one! Is he CRAZY?! AN EXTRA OF 40MINUTES EVERYDAY IS NOT A BIGG DIFFERENCE?! I think that's such a lame excuse for a cover-up of his evil plan into morphing all of us into his secret bald-headed army to work for him in the future plans to take over the world! *evil laugh*

I sound crazy. The school is to be blame for wrecking my brains! Now it's all in a jumble mess of clogged networks, dysfunctioning all my abilty to do anything, besides typing.

Crazy again.

I strongly doubt that I'm the only one who finds all these a bull. I do hear teachers themselves complain about the extra long hours at work with each occasional visit to the staff room and one can easily spot the gloomy faces on teachers these days. The teachers also seemed to have developed a level of animosity among with the students due to their stress at work, I assume. *sighs*. I'm sure our parents didn't have to go through this ordeal during their time of schooling. I bet the school then was better off run by the British during the British Occupation. Not that I have anything against my own country, but I think that the education system in Malaysia could use a little sprucing up, that's all.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

FIFA World Cup 2006.

The Time Of Our Lives (Official song for the FIFA WORLD CUP GERMANY 2006)
Toni Braxton with Il Divo

There was a dream
Along time a ago
There was a dream
Destined to grow

Y hacerse pasion
Con un fuego abrasar

Un deseo de dar sin fin harm.
El deseo de ganar

For the lifetime of heartbreakes harm.
That brought us here today
We’ll go all the way

And It feels like we’re having the time of our lives
Let's light the fire fight the flames
Let’s come together as one and the same
Cause it feels like we’re having the time of our lives
We’ll find the glory in the end
For all that we are
For all that we are
For the time of our lives

Hoy es el día
Es la ocasión de triunfar

Para hacer realidad el destino
Que soñábamos conseguir

Una vida de lucha
Nos trajo hasta aquí
Llegaré hasta el final…

It feels like we’re having the time of our lives
Juntos, unidos triunfará nuestro deseo de ser el mejor
It feels like we’re having the time of our lives
Toca la gloria junto a mí
La hora llegó

de la verdad
El momento llegó…

Y ya nunca jamás lo podré olvidar

Cause It feels like we’re having the time of our lives
Juntos, unidos triunfará nuestro deseo de ser el mejor
It feels like we’re having the time of our lives
Toca la gloria junto a mí
La hora llegó
La hora llego
We’ll find the glory in the end
For all that we are
For the time of our lives

For the time of our lives


While everyone else is so caught up with the FIFA World Cup 2006 held in Germany - waking up at 3a.m. in the morning to cath a match or even worse, taking a whole month leave from work just for the case of The World Cup - I prefer to celebrate it in a different way. Listen to the songs and dive in with the celebration all around the world! I'm not a football fan at all (matter of fact, I'm not a fan of any sports at all!) but I admit it's fun to see what the people do JUST for The World Cup! I do get in with the occasional conversations with school-friends and stuff, but knowing as little as I do, I mostly just sit quiet and listen with anticipation. I fell in love with this song and the richness of Il Divo's voice (again! Get's me every time!) the first time I heard it through youtube. Well, I really don't know what's happening in The World Cup but I heard that yesterday's match, Brazil was really good. Is it? LOL. I wouldn't know. Sports just isn't my thing.

By the way, dad tries to get in as much as possible with the football frenzy all over the world, but he usually falls asleep in front of the TV by the second match. It's so funny. I mean, he watches football alone (heck, I'm not going to be a goody-two-shoe son and accompany him on the floor to watch football at 3a.m. in the morning!) and I usually catch him with his eyes closed when everyone (my whole block) screams and yell at the score of a goal! He even subscribed to one of those skanky sms services updating you about the latest score! LOL. I bet he's asleep now cause I can hear the crowd screaming through the TV in the living room and I don't hear a sound from dad.

I'm going to get back listening to this song on repeat for the rest of the night.

Monday, June 12, 2006

11th June 2006.

Considering that I'm dead tired today, I'm just gonna post some pictures about my birthday yesterday . A reason to show you the pictures taken by my Canon Powershot S3 IS too! Too tired to actually write anything. School today was at Dewan Sri Pinang (theatre). I was called by Mr. Goh to go as a supporter. It was a good way for me to adjust to the early wake-up time without being so stressed out about unfinished homework and to miss the first-day-of-school-misdeamanors like long fingernails and long hair. Don't know how was school like today as I spent the whole time in the theatre to "support" my fellow schoolmates on their English Drama Competition. The new timetable and time schedule is effective from today onwards. School ends at 2.00p.m. and I still haven't get my new timetable, meaning, I'll be bringing the wrong books to school tomorrow and once again, missing lessons.

Back to the pictures.

The day started with us visiting kong-kong's grave. Everyone (aunties and uncles and cousins) came back from afar to visit kong kong's grave. The slab of stone was just finished a few weeks ago and we did some prayers when we
were there.

Had a little gathering after that at poh poh's place. Everybody was having fun posing for the camera! I was inevitable glad that everyone accepted the camera well and not have secret conversations behind my back saying that I'm rich. Well, if there was, I wouldn't know.

Had some durian right after. It IS the beginning of the long awaited season! Durian is my favourite fruit!

Proceeded to the Balik Pulau market after that for a little walk. We started the day early and the market was still opened. Not that it had an opening or closing time, but most of the hawkers were still there.

I attended the Lectors' Tea-cum-briefing session later that afternoon. Was extremely reluctant to attend it but mom was persistent to send me there. I had to attend and bear the 2 hours being stuck with Lucille Dass. It didn't go that bad, actually. It was kind of fun as Lucille call it a bonding session.

I managed to persuade mom and dad to take us down to the beach after my tea-cum-briefing session. After asking for such a long time - since I realised that I was living in Penang ISLAND which was surrounded by beaches and that going to the beach is not a hard task for us! It wasn't supposed to be even a task at all! But obstacles always tumbles into our way when it comes to the beach.

There, we celebrated my birthday at the beach. It looked dysfuntional enough! LOL. All those food and table was akak's and mom's idea! We had practically everyone staring at us!

I guess that's the end. The end of a new beginning of a new age, I suppose. Dad hasn't mentioned anything about motorbikes or license. Am I off the legal age in Malaysia? How I wish I could be driving a car by this age!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Nothing To Complain About.

In less than two hours, I'm turning 16, and here I am, typing on my blog, listening to some old classic songs (The Chords - Sh boom) from Cars' Soundtrack, as Carina and others have fit laughters watching their cantonese reality game show in the living room leaving behind trails of their laughter spilling into my room ever so often. That's my birthday eve. I bet some people are having fun, getting drunk, hitting on girls on their 16th birthday. Oh, I'm certainly not complaining! Don't get me wrong, I'm just putting it in comparison. I'm not that kind of teenager anyway. I practically have nothing to complain about on my 16th birthday.

My birthday present definitely came by early. It felt like Christmas came by a month early! After all my frustration for waiting, I got it early! Ok, I need to confess. I realised that I was over-obsessing and rather self-centered over the 2 days that I needed to wait for my camera. Wasn't a really proud moment, I'm sure. I really need to take things easier and not get myself too (extremely) caught up in a certain thing. I'm sorry... but, I think God heard my prayers and decided to spare me the endurance. I got my camera on Wednesday and I was too busied with it to actually blog anymore.

I actually begged dad to drive me down to Gurney on Wednesday morning to see if my camera's arrived. "I know the guy said Friday but there's always a possibilty, isn't it? I'm sure the shipping of the product from Singapore wouldn't need FIVE days! Please, please, please!" I begged him over breakfast, still holding up my five stubby little fingers. It got me acting like a kid, huh? He relented and drove me down after lunch. Oh, the sacrifices my dad does for his children. The manager made a phone call to confirm that there was stock and I was already gleaming when I noticed some positive tone in his conversation. The next thing I know was that I was fiddling with it and the User Guide for the rest of the night. Spent my next two mornings trying my new camera out at the park.

Although my 16th birthday's not filled with wild parties (alcohol and sex), I still have my own little league of enjoyment with my family. Buffet lunch with dad, mom and Edmund (Grace was working) proved to be satisfying enough. I mean, as you can see, I don't come from a extravagant background (the camera was a gift, ok! Not easily bought!), so these luxurious buffets don't come that often and when it does, I'm considering myself very lucky. We did have our own little celebration with that buffet lunch (in Evergreen Laurel Hotel) but we had another one today with amah and akak, still leaving out Grace cause she was working, at Cititel Hotel. This time, it was more of an oriental themed buffet and as usual, I was bloated by the time we reached the car. Can't help myself.

Having lunch today really got me thanking the Lord. I had my mind fully on the children in Iraq (or somewhere else, I'm not sure) that had no food at all and all those people who were struck by natural disasters, over lunch. I couldn't complain at all, although the rendang tasted really funny. All my life, I've never starved before or even lived life in difficulty. And these people (AIDS victim, natural disasters victims and war victims) as I know it are living their everyday lives in so much difficulty. I was kind of emotional when I thought of it, which had me saying a little 'thank you' to God for the things that I have and for the wonderful family members I live with.

Speaking of which, I'm not sure this has got anything to do with the coming of age but I'm beginning to find Edmund annoying lately. As in, really really annoying. He copies everything I say and does everything I do. He's rude and obnoxious. He's over-pampered and a spoilt brat! Sometimes, I really feel like ripping his head off, but that thought really makes my stomach churn. He comes to me everytime asking for the camera, in a whiny, complain-y tone, when I've already said, probably a thousand times that, "The camera is not a toy for you! It's much too big for your tiny little hands and you might drop it! Please understand. I can only give it to you at home!" He will never get the message in his head. I accidentally hurt his arm (although I was pretty sure I didn't do anything) today, but felt oddly pleased. The things he does and the way he dresses is most of the time embarassing and I'm always the one trying to "correct" things with him. We just don't see eye to eye anymore, these days. Mind the age gap.

Then it occured to me, maybe it's because that he's a spitting image of me when I was his age! I did the same stupid stuff he did and I wore the same stupid clothes as he did! It's embarassing to think of it now. But I didn't have anyone to save me from my embarrasment then, did I? I'm trying to do him a favor, aren't I? At least he doesn't have to feel as stupid as I do now when he's 16. But he just won't listen! He's such a stubborn head! *sighs* Well, I suppose I'll just have to let it be the way it is. If I was saved from those embarrasment back then, I wouldn't be who I am today. I might as well just let him learn from scratch. I'll just leave him alone.

Grace kind of made up for the times she didn't spend with me by taking me for a shopping trip yesterday! There were SALES all over the place in Gurney Plaza yesterday and we shopped till the doors closed on us, literally. Grace spent about RM200 on me, last night and considered that for my birthday present. No words can possibly tell how thankful I am to my family members! She got me some shirt from U2 and it amounted to RM200++. I have to say, it definitely felt odd spending her hard earned money just like that. There was also a little trace of guilt in my voice after that. She assured me that she was happy to spend something for me for my birthday. She got herself quite a bunch of stuff too, you know! Handbags and shoes, just to name a few. It had me thanking God again for what I was getting.

Leave Edmund out, I have nothing to complain about on my 16th birthday. I have my cake, Evergreen Laurel Hotel's Chocolate Devil Cake, waiting to be picked up tomorrow. I know mom and dad have spent a fortune on me and I really appreciate all that they've done. Grace too! Amah had a fair share by giving me an angpao (red packet) for my birthday. I get it every year, without fail. That's her form of a good birthday wish, I assume. I really don't know how to thank all my family members for this wonderful birthday they've given me. All I can do is to say my prayers for them, thanking them for all that they've done and the troubles that they've been through just for me. Just know that... I am grateful.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Frustration in Me.

The frustration of waiting for the camera's really stressing me out. I just got off Matt's Cinema, watching Scary Movie 4. It didn't turn out to be as funny as I thought. The introduction of the movie could already give out that the whole show's been made up of cheap, lame and lousy jokes that anyone can come up with. Or is it because of my frustration that I don't think the movie was funny? I can't tell!

I need help...

My frustration's been growing over the days, with the help of the not-so-bright wheather! And I'm feeling really guilty now that I've been letting my frustration slip out on others. After Scary Movie 4, Carina said hello to me through MSN (obviously!). For no good reasons, I felt oddly annoyed. She invited me to webcam and I accepted. Due to some medication overdose and anger (of some sort) that has been building up in me, I wasn't very polite to her. The webcam connection was downright lousy in the first place to get me going! She could barely hear what I said and I could barely hear her! The images transmitted were choppy! I switched my webcam off and told her to get Adrian to fix it! My patience was just on the edge! When Adrian got around to it, I wasn't that keen on forming any real conversationg anymore and just said a shallow, "Bye and goodnight."

Then came Edward. I wasn't very nice to him either. He sounded quite cheerful and happy over his messages and I just felt extremely lousy and slightly pouting. I was pretty cold to him through my messages. He asked me for a favor and I said no, almost instantly. Not my usual self. But it was kind of true that I couldn't help him. My mobile had no credit and I don't have the person's number. Another thing was, he kind of dissapeared since I got back from BRATs! No texts or emails! No news at all! The only thing he does is leave me offline messages over MSN at really ODD hours, saying hi or just nudges! And he doesn't even keep his blog updated at all! And here I am, still remembering that he wanted to go the movies during the holidays and now? Not even a sound from him! Maybe he deserves my coldness...

Hold on a minute... this is not me! I don't know what I'm saying! I'm going out of my mind! I need my medication! Oh gosh, I'm really insane! Someone, help me! I want my camera!

Rainy Day.

Initially, I didn't want to have the title "Rainy Day". I mean, I did, but I felt it was too cheesy so I discarded the whole post. Wasn't in the mood at all to write (type). I changed my mind when I was exploring Flickr just now, when I saw this picture.

Rainy Day...

I know it doens't really depict the way I feel but I must say it's a good picture. Good macro. Which is why it's making my days a living hell.

It was indeed a rainy day here. The sky was opaque the whole day, moving only every now and then, with a nudge of the wind, letting little amount of sunlight escape through its cracks and turning opaque instantly, as if it realised that the sunlight was trying to escape. It's just another ordinary lazy rainy morning, I suppose. Settled down with a little overdue-d homework after my (holiday) morning routine - usually starting off with brushing my teeth and shower, breakfast after that (whatever that's on the table), medication, followed by a glance through the newspapers and a little fresh air at the balcony.

I come to find that I live in a quiet and serene suburban neighbourhood after my morning routines started to kick into my system. One can actually wake up to the sound of singing birds and amazingly clean air. There's not a sign of busy streets and honking cars. Instead, the image of green trees and manicured lawns with blooming flowers with the morning dew greets you in the morning. Take in a deep breath , standing on the balcony, one will almost feel transfixed to the spot. Ten years of living in this place, and I only realise this now. Weird. The only sound pollution I get is from the occasional sirens from the police or ambulance and one of my upstairs neighbours singing karaoke, horribly. Something tells me my music covers most of the sound in the block, though (thank goodness I have a fetish for jazz nowadays).

Tried my hands on some of my homework after my glorious morning routine. Reluctantly dragged my schoolbag out of the pile of bags that were dumped into a corner of my room since the holidays started, dust it a little and with a heavy sigh, pulled open the zip. It was as if I discovered an ancient scroll emitting the worst smeel ever as I saw the contents of my bag and gave it a shot of disgust. Lazily, pulled out my book of Analization of The Malay Literature and one of the exercise books and rummaged through my pencil case to look for my pen. Started copying notes straight from the book. I was, as usual, struggling to pen my words down with the inevitable shaky hands during (or after) holidays!

I blame it all on the medicine I took. It always felt that way after medication. The drowsiness and everything just won't stop coming! Especially the jittery hands! It's getting worse and it's actually convincing enough to believe I have Parkinson Disease! By then, excuses kept bobbing out of my head to agree with my evil self to stop whatever I was doing. I carried on for a little while and gave up not long after. Leaving my pen and books on the desk, I turned around and slumped myself on the bed, guilt and regret rushing all over me. It was exactly the same, yesterday. Just that, I didn't even bother to do my work then and I had no difficulty telling myself to go to sleep. The shaky hands was there and I just went to sleep and felt everything got better when I woke up.

The only reason I only bothered to (or at least try to) do my work was that the frustration of waiting for my camera was getting the best of me. Well, I can't hide my excitement, can I? I've been wandering aimlessly in the house (thank goodness, it's only in the house) mumbling, "I wan't my camera," since Sunday. I really want it! I guess, that explains my visits to Flickr nowadays. I've been busying myself looking up photography sites and got some really good tips and techniques. It's just that, I STILL DON'T HAVE MY CAMERA! Everything seems to be dull to me (thanks to the sky!). Days seem to stretch longer and time, slower. This is torture! OMG (I've not used this in a long time), I'm obsessing compulsively!

So far, the only thing I can say is, my days are really rainy.

Sunday, June 04, 2006


Still sick. It's Pentecost Sunday today and I'm sick. Pentecost Sunday : The day when tounges of fire (known as the Holy Spirit) descended upon the heads of Jesus' disciples which enabled them to PREACH in tounges. It's the parish's (Holy Spirit Cathedral) feast day and there was a little celebration. Parishioners were treated to a free lunch after the 10.00 a.m. mass by the church itself. It started a few years back - treating the parishioners to a decent meal during the feast day of the parish - and somehow it became sort of like a tradition now. After all, we're Catholics. This is just counted as fellowship, I guess.

Woke up to a rainy morning. The sky's been pretty down nowadays. I think it's the monsson season, which explains all the rain we've been getting. Well, I love rainy days! Rainy days are just perfect for me to cuddle up with comforters and watch favourite movies or read or just listen to music. It feels extra chilly when it rains and the whole house seems to turn darker than usual when it rains. Cooler, in fact! Watching the neighbours on the other side of the block scampering to collect their laundry when the cloud grumbles, seems to be so much fun! Oh, I love rainy days!

Blew my nose so hard when I woke up, that for s sudden second, I thought my nose could bleed! The mucus was pure yellow when I opened the tissue paper which I blew my nose in. Didn't come as a surprise. Scrambled to my feet to the bathroom and took a quick and hot shower. Had some breakfast before my medication and took off for church.

Spent my whole day, literally coughing and blowing my nose! I don't know how the stupid cough grew so badly! I was grasping for air most of the time, regretting the whole time I neglected the thought of bringing my inhaler (and other medications) along for the day! The mucus just wouldn't stop flowing out trhough the two holes that protrudes out of my face. Seriously, can anyone tell me how the body produces that much of mucus for me to blow out?! I think it could've filled a whole pail if I were to blow it all in! It's rather irritating, to be speaking to someone when you suddenly feel something cold and watery creeping out of your nostrils and you just have to blow it out!

Food intake is absolutely out of the quetion! I mean, I did eat but the food felt like it was coming out with every cough! I felt nauseous most of the time. Felt like barfing anywhere I go. Mom says it's because of the cough that's irritating my throat which makes me feel like barfing. I take her theory. Felt like passing out every now and then when the (really) bad cough strikes my lungs and it just feels like someone just stabbed your chest! I've just taken a bunch of medications - couldn't be less bothered about the prescriptions. I think I'm overdosing on medications again. Oh well, nevermind.

That was how I felt the whole day. After mass, we proceeded to the optometrist, Mr. Haw. He's this really old (fashioned) optometrist. A really good one indeed. We went to him through a recommendation by an old friend of dad's after we tried out England Optical. Let's just say, England Optical didn't really lasted long. I got my second spectacles from him and ever since, we've never changed another optician. He's clients are usually seniors but I'm one of the few youngsters who believes in quality and not looks. Admittedly, he doesn't have the latest range of designs but he has really good quality spectacles. My previous one lasted me about three years - with my little attention given to it to upkeep it. Just had my new ones made last month, I think. The point is, he's vision tests are completely accurate and the quality of his glasses are of the best! Besides, he's a really friendly guy! You could visit him if you like at:

SunLife Optical
28, Light Street,
10200, Penang.

So mom and I got our glasses fixed while dad collected his sun shades. We left the shop feeling all cheerful. Reminded of a catalogue dad received a few days ago about a sale on furnitures at a nearby shop, we headed towards it. The sun was extremely hot today, stinging our skin each time we stepped out of the car. It took us only an hour to make up our mind on which sofa to buy. "Finally, we're getting a sofa after the renovation!" exclaimed Grace. I gave her an odd look. We filled in the information needed for delivery and dad did the payment. "We'll inform you before we deliver the sofa which is about three weeks from now," said the saleswoman pleasantly. Mom and dad nodded in agreement but I went, "Now, that's a bummer!"

I was still coughing when we left the furniture shop. Seen no improvements at all on my condition. I felt that it got worse as the day went on. It was late in the afternoon then when mom and dad decided to turn the car around to Gurney Plaza to get me my long-awaited digital camera! Well, I did a little pestering before this. =P. Wasn't in my best shape to go camera hunting, but... how could I resist? Coincidentally, it was the last day of Gurney's Camera Fair and the cameras wwere cheaper than usual. Irresistable offers were everywhere! The prospect of getting a DSLR camera seemed to be out of the question, I had my eyes on normal digital cameras.

Grace was a big help to me. She did most of the questionning and for a certain minute, she was really paying attention to the things the salesperson has to say. Seeing that my sentences are usually cut off with a bad cough, she helped me in a lot of ways. I headed straight to the Sony booth as soon as I stepped off the escalator, with Grace by my side. Had a thorough look at some of the models. The salesperson wasn't very camera-literate, so we left for Nikon booth. No models interested me and the salesperson was vaguely rude, shooting us what-the-hell-do-you-know-about-cameras looks. Squeezing our way through the crowd to get to the Panasonic booth.

Panasonic's DMC-L1 got my attention. Was convinced to purchasing it, after mom had a "frindly chat" bargaining with the salesperson. He was going to throw in a few other goods like a tripod and a leather case for us until I met the Canon PowerShot S3 IS!! It was so awesome. It basically had everything the Panasonic DMC-L1 has and more! The Vari-angle LCD screen totally got me! Not to mention the speed of this thing! It was awesome. Mom had another "friendly chat" with this salesperson and he threw in a tripod for us. With the excitement in me, my cough got even worse and my nose didn't stop itself from leaking!

The salesperson informed us that there were no more units left and I'd have to wait till this Friday to collect it. "That's a another bummer!" I said, the words coming out in between coughs. Dad paid the down-payment of RM100 (the actual cost of the camera was RM1899) and the salesperson issued us a receipt. I left him my contact details and we went home empty handed. Weird, huh?

"That's your birthday present, ok?" mom said, as we got into the car. I nodded disparagingly as I blew my nose into another piece of tissue paper, scrunching it into a shape of a wanton. Mom fell silent after that, as though feeling the burn right through her pocket. We went through McDonald's drive-in for some food (although I could barely swallow anything) before heading straight home. Couldn't help but feel happy all the way home.