So the other day, I went for confessions at church, as I always do before Easters and Christmases. The one thing that the father told me when I was done with my confessing was that I had a huge “catalogue” (of sins) which is only natural for someone like me. But that’s not the point. In relation to that, the other thing that the father mentioned was that I had a good amount of self-awareness in my head. Meaning, I am self-conscious about my sins and what not – which I took as a compliment at first but had trouble grappling with it later on in the car.
See, I do sin a lot (if not more than the average man) and most of the time, I realize that I’ve done wrong only after doing them. In other words, I guess I can say I don’t think before I do something, which doesn’t help me avoiding from doing bad things. So I wonder, do having having an awareness after that and telling myself that I’ve done wrong help in anyway? I do give out a little pray of pardon whenever this occurs. Does it make my sins any less heavy if I were to detect them primarily after doing them? Does it make me less of a sinner when I practice conscience in my actions?
Gee. I really don’t know, but I sure do hope so.
Same goes to the matter of greed, or rather, gluttony to be more specific. I am a self-proclaimed glutton after all. In my understanding, a glutton is usually referred to someone who gorges himself with an overwhelming amount of food out of the sheer want of achieving that satisfaction during eating, regardless of whether he is hungry or not. And most of the time, the food involved are more or less rare to come by. I am guilty of the above at times. I mean, c’mon, the word glutton can almost be spelled as obese nowadays, dontcha think?
But, can someone still be called a glutton if his ravaging are for the things that are rather unlikely for a glutton to ravage on? For instance, tofu products and greens and beans? I’ve always had a high regard for tofu products even before I began eating greens and beans and have only realized how different the westerners have their view on this. Which makes me wonder, is it a crime to be greedy on peasant food like tofu? Food that is clearly frowned upon (let alone) stereotyped by people. To be frank, I really do love tofu and its products and will not hesitate on finishing them if ever the chance occurs. Now, does that make me a greedy person (glutton) or can I be considered humble?
For the record, I’ve never found any connections with abalones or any other similar food that are considered rich-people-food from where I come from.