Saturday, July 30, 2005
i kinda missed the little fact that i braced my fear of needles during my stay in the hospital. well, sort of. i could barely sleep the night before the day i knew i had to withdraw blood for blood test! seriously, i was so afraid that i kept waking up in the middle of the night checking the time. it was almost like waiting for dooms day! LOL. but finally, it came and passed, so briefly! i was amazed coz i didn't screamed or yell, or even struggle like i used to when i was eight, whe the doctor took my blood. but i was to petrified to watch him do it tho! LOL. i had to take like 3 needles on the day of admission and that kinda cleared the air that i'm afraid no more. i mean, yes, i'm afraid, but i can sustain myself from yellingor struggling anymore when it comes to needles! on the next day, the blood results came out and i was kinda scared to see it due to the fact that i'm afraid to see my report diagnosing me with high cholestrol or diabetes. well, i'm fat, and that's my biggest fear, i guess, besides ghosts, heights, compact spaces and etc. LOL. i asked the nurse abt my results and she explained everything for me. and guess what, no high cholestrol and no diabetes! i was over the top! for a moment there, i thought i was gonna die. LOL. i was over the top to find out that i'm a fat but healthy person! i mean, i'm not exactly with the way i look, but i'm happy that i actually am healthy! my cholestrol level was pretty low though, unexpectedly! LOL. i was so happy! and now, life seems to be much brighter than it has always been! i mean, i noe that i'm healthy and that's the best thing i could ever get! its just that, i still need to shed some pounds. *blushin*. hey, i'm aware of how i look, ok? i do give a damn about my butt, and my extra tyre! i'm working on it baby!
having to stay in a fully air-conditioned room with no windows doesn't seem too bad, ya know. well, that's what i thought on the first day of admission into the hospital. and mind you, this is not the ordinary hospital filled with busy walking doctors, nurses and sick looking patients besides the inevitable smell of medicine and the feeling of glumness hanging in the air. well, this is a children hospital, designed with a touch of simplicity and uniqueness that could be hardly found in any other ordinary hospitals. it has alot of simple touches and artwork hung on the walls and the beds are so special that it almost feels like ur actually registering in for a hotel stay. the warmth of the place is so great that it's almost alluring and the irritating smell of antibiotics is almost undetectable. i must admit i had a pleasent stay at the hospital as it felt, almost like home. i was coughing badly last monday, at i had to go see the doctor. the nearest trustworthy hospital was Hope Children Hospital. i noe, it sounds ridiculous, but i actually spent 5 days there! i wasn't expecting an admission, but the doctor said that i'd better be kept there for further observation. so, i stayed there for 5 days. my asthma attack wan't a reli big one, it was stage one. that's why, that hospital had the equipment to cure me. i thought, well, what the heck, anything goes! i can barely remember that i was sick during the stay there. the only time that remined me that i was sick was when the nurse came in and gave me my antibiotics jab. life was a breeze there. my daily routine was, wake up at 7am (couldn't sleep late there, don't know why) get a bath and breakfast by 9, take my medication and an antibiotic jab, and back to sleep again! till it's three, wake up 2 have lunch, medication, and back to bed again. LOL. i had to do nothing, besides catching the 6pm soap opera on TV every day. speaking abt TV, spending 5 days watching local TV, was pure torture! i can't believe how sucky local TV is! just put it this way, (after all these years) Pi Mai Pi Mai Tangtu and Senario is still being aired on TV3! i can't believe it! it's such a waste of time! those kinda shows aren't suppose to be aired anymore. it doesn't bring any significant purposes to the society! no wonder Astro is making good money today! the number of english and chinese program aired compared to the number of malay shows aired are so little. i have exactly no show to watch! and i'm the kinda guy who watches anything at all. it soesn't reli matter what show it is, i just watch it. and for a guy like me to can't find an interesting show, there must be reli no show! i get pissed off almost everyday, to cant find shows on TV! if the government's trying to put more educational show, i must say they're not doing a very good job at it. furthermore, there's like, tons of imitated movie being created now! for instance, reality shows like For Love or Money, the Malaysian version is Mencari Cinta. gosh! so many reality shows too! and even if they wanna imitate, pls do it properly. they're not doing a very good job at it. i reli despise or local TV. so much more space for improvement! anyway, back to the point, i was heavily drugged! i had to take like, 8 types of medicines all at once and there were even medicines for my nose! i couldn't help but feel sleepy all the time (thank god for that anyway. or else i wouldn't wanna be putting up with the TV). to top that, i totally missed the whole week of school, not to mention, the whole week of exams! now, what worries me is the thought of going back to school and re-sitting for my exams, alone! don't wanna give that much of a thought. the funny thing abt this hospital was that it did not have a kitchen, so it did not serve food. patients are suppose to bring food from home and there's no restrictions at all! once i saw, a mum eating laksa in the room and it smelled so nice! LOL. i guess maybe it a children hospital and most of the patients there are babies and little children. i was the eldest patient there at that time! LOL. but whatever it is, i'm out now and feeling much better! i was alredi homesick on the 4th day! and now, i can't wait for tomorrow as mum promised to take me to a whole day of eating in penang! all kinds of food! lip-smakin!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
at some points in my life, i always feel that i'm rejected by my friends and sumtimes, even my family. for instance, wat happened to me today. i woke at the noise of akak yelling at the top of her voice to wake me up! felt so sleepy! so, finished my morning and afternoon with just a glimpse of it! anyway, when i came home from tuition, i found out that aunt. amy had called dad to ask him for a favour to fetch her children to church. it's no big deal, she told us before to help her out in this kinda situations and we can't be happier to help. in this case, she said that her youngest baby was asleep and she didn't wanna bring them to church. so she asked dad to pick them up on the way. the problem is, her daughter is like, my forever biggest crush! i mean, she's the kinda girl that's alwasy there, but is so hard to reach or even make frens with. it's been like 4years now, that i'm attending the same catechism with her. and she's like, never notices me! i mean, i have to admit, i do have a crush. but who wouldn't? she's ever pretty and beautiful and elegant! but i nvr actually thought of hooking up with her and stuff. my crush is only a friendship kinda crush. honest! anyway, she's like a year older than me and she's on a relationship now, i think. but the point is, altho we picked her up today, she din even looked at me or even smiled at me! like, there's no surprise actually, she nvr does notices me. LOL. but i'm saying, in the same car, and not even a word? wat the heck. sometimes i think that she's just being obnoxious but it's kinda hard to tell from her looks. she's just so sweet! i don't fantasise abt her tho, i'm just always admiring her beauty. do i sound pervertic?? hope not! i don mean to anyway! but things have always been like dat, since, 4eva?? i think. none of the girls in catechism notices that i'm there. i nvr talk to any of them, except for a few squirmy times, i guess. seriosuly, i feel so invisible to them. i'm always wondering why?? have i done something wrong to annoy them?? or am i just to afraid to talk 2 them?? but, most of the time, if i were to take a step, i'll usually be left unanswered or unreplied. i feel like a dumbass! the other guys in class, ofcoz, get alot more attention than i do. even some of the guys in catechism ignores me totally most of the time. urgh! i'm so pissed off. maybe it's becoz of my age. i'm the youngest among them there. so, i always blame it on my age! LOL. most of the time, i dont give it much of a thought. but i guess it's kinda just nice, to write abt it, lettin my self "unload"!
ewe. i just remembered that i passed the form of allowance to take a jab of Anti-Tetanus Toxoid jab from school. geez, the thought of it makes my stomach hurls! i hate jabs! i hate needles! i just dont know why! sumtimes, i just dont see any reason for me to be afriad, but i'm still afraid! i guess i started realizing dat i'm afraid of needles was when i had rabies when i was 7yrs old. i had to be rushed to a 24hr clinic to get treatment staright away. and the doctor suggested that i was given a jab! man, i'll nvr forget that nite. when the doc came in with a needle, i started yellin and screamin at the top of my lungs! dad held me down, and i started to struggle! gosh, i think there was like, 4ppl holdin me down at that time just to put a needle through my butt! ahah. i nvr stopped screamin even when the needle pierced through my skin! i was even screaming louder! and i think i passed out straight away after it was over. must've been too tired. LOL. and my fear of needles got even worse when i started to have asthma when i was 8yrs old. had to make back to back trips to the hospital and poked by the needles. everytime when admitted, for a few hundred times. every single time, i needed 4-5 ppl to hold me down to get the needle in under my skin! i'm just so afraid of them! the worse one was when i was admitted to the hospital and was staying there for like, 2 weeks. the doctor, who alredi knew me very well, had to even give me sleepin pills to get me asleep and take the trouble to come up to the ward in the middle of the night to give me a jab on my hand. see how troublesome i get when it comes to needles?? i remembered that i fell asleep quickly after that pill and awoke so qucikly when i felt sumone was touching my right hand, inspecting it to trace out the veins. and when i awoke, i started screamin and struggling again! woah! it was so loud. there was more than 10ppl in my room at that time, i think. they were mostly nurses and my parents. i knew the nurses there well alredi! LOL. and after struggling to get me to settle down, they finally gave up. but they didn't stop there. the nurses wrapped me up with the blanket like a cocoon with my arms sticking out. i was still moving too much then. so, they made dadpund on me and held me down with his body. i kept screamin and had to see dad endure it! LOL. at last, they got my needle in and i fell asleep at once, again, out of tiredness i think. and to prove that iwas reli bad when it comes to needles, when i woke up the next morning, most of the nurses i knew kept tellin me that they could even hear my screams from the opposite block!! i was so shy... and i'm still afraid of needles! this time, it wasn't stated when we're gonna have the jab. so, i was like, submitting my name to death sentence and not even knowing when it's gonna come! i'm so afraid... *blush*
Saturday, July 16, 2005
came and gone! just like that. time flies so fast! it's alredi saturday morning! as u can see, i'm posting this, coz i just couldnt find rest if i was just to not post! a week has gone by, getting nearer to examinations. countable days alredi! yet, no effort has been taken by me. should probably start next week. but wateva! tuesday was grace's b'day and oso darren's b'day! started school looking forward to the nite's birhtday party which ee was so happy to volunteer to cook for! just couldn't wait for the sun to dive down and make it night! you know, the clock always seem to have the bad habit of slowing down the time when we wanna make it go faster! geez! anyway, after school, i had to make another visit to the hospital as i promised grandma that i was gonna cut her nails for her, including manicures! LOL. so i had to go down the hospital after lunch and did my thing before proceeding to ee's house. i even managed to meet the doctor and asked him abt grandma. reports just show positive signs! so, the day passed smoothly with grace's party (nothing big actually, just a small family gathering at my aunts hse). wednesday and thursday and friday also came and went with a blink of an eye. did nuthin much, nothin progressive! and now, friday night, or saturday morning, posting this! LOL. funny how my life works. anyway, i'm just hoping to get to watch Fantastic Four by this weekend and i'm looking forward to Harry Potter's release today! so excited! i'm getting kinda sleepy anyway. nitez.
Monday was intense. got the pleasure of skipping sch but the displeasure of attending my late godfather's one year death anniversary celebration. yeah, had to go pay respects and stuff to commemorate his death, i think. not even sure wat is was. i thought the whole thing was just like a 1hour thing, but it turned out to be, 5hours! gosh! i thought my parents was "that" good to allow me 2 skip school dat day for such a short thing. but they proved me wrong! geez! i had to even wake up early eventho the prayers thingy starts at 10am! had breakfast with my parents at abt 8am and went to help them set up the altar. they had to do all this altar set up and stuff. got kinda bored there at 1st. i didn't quite lend a hand to the ladies in the kitchen. it was just to humid and stuff. so i just sat on one of the shifted to make space for the altar couches to read the newspapers. came across another newspaper filled with numerous bad reports until i came across Mary Schneider's article (the only thing, actually, to look forward into the monday newspapers). as i was reading her article, i just couldn't help but agree more with Schneider's point of view about wight and looks since the past few weeks. all the stuff she says is so true! if she was to write a book, u'll definitely see me lining up at one of the bookstores to get her book! LOL. 10am passed and no sign of their relatives. the priest was alredi ready. we only started praying (holding joss sticks and stuff) at abt 11.30, i think! speaking abt punctuality! the altar was set up filled with various home-cooked dishes and all sorts of food and delicacies. i think it was supposedly for the deceased. altho i'm a born catholic, it's not against my religion to be holding a joss stick. as long as it's not for praying to a god or a deity of theirs. we are allowed to hold joss sticks for our deceased ones as a sign of respect. anyway, after the 1st session of prayer, we just had to do nothing but hang around. the candles and the joss sticks as well as the food were left to burn and kissed by flies at the altar as we carry on with cleaning and etc. yup, this is the religious way of doing things. i don't actually believe it, but i also kinda get into the flow at times. wat the hell, i thought. ppl go on lives with their own way. we just tag along. so, as i spent half of my day there, luckily, i get to watch the tv. thank goodness there was Astro on it and it had MTV and channel V! i had to watch the tv with the back of the couch i was sitting on faced to it and through watery eyes cozed by the smoke from the burning joss sticks. i was just in a very uncomfortable position watching tv. reli hurt my legs. but wat the heck, it was the only means of "survival" through the boredom! LOL. as i watch MTV, i discovered to new shows, which were, Trippin and Faking The Video! they are both such cool shows! i was actually touched by the 1st episode of Trippin. watching Cameron Diaz and friends, namely, Eva Mandez and etc, visiting such interesting places in the world, was just a catch to me! they reli do discovering and open the eyes of the world to another level. i'm reli touched when, at times like that, stars aren't stars anymore. they are just like the rest of us. and seeing Cameron Diaz and her buddies being so humble just mad me wanna cry! reli touching. after lunch and the 2nd session of prayers, i got back and had a quick shower before going out again to visit grandma in the hospital. just before we stepped out of the house, mum (oh yea, she took leave from work and was with me the whole day) received text from my cuzin (who is way much older than me) saying that 1 of my aunts had just went to a Buddhist priest to ask abt grandma's condition (no surpirse there!). and the priest said that grandma was abt to "go" and she can most probably last for a few days! my heart smashed, but then, my consciousness told me that i wasn't suppose to believe all these kinda stuff. we quickly rushed to the hospital and met that aunt! she explained everything to us, and she even brought those blessed paper where one has to burn it to ashes and pour water into it's ashes and drink the water. they did wat they had to do, and ofcoz, grandma, believed all this, coz she is a buddhist. so, coincidentally, grandma's report was there, on the table. i took a peep at it, and found out that she was recovering. so, there u have it, i gotta admit that i felt a lil light hearted later, and i just pushed the supertitions to the back of my mind. i was again reassured when i met the doctor, and the doctor said that she was, indeed recovering! anywayz, days passed and grandma is sleeping soundly now in my house as she only got discharged yesterday!
Sunday, July 10, 2005
urgh. spent the sunday afternoon in the swimmming pool, hoping to get a tan out of the burning sun. i don actually go to the swimming pool to swim anymore. i went there today coz the wheather was so damn hot! was thinking that i might actually cool down in there and the thought of it was just so intimadating when i was in the hawker centre having lunch earlier in the afternoon, after visiting grandma in the hospital. the hakwers was close to burning hell. so crowded and jam packed. place was humid and was filled with the chit chattering of people. gosh, i said to myself. the life of penangites. and at that moment, i just wanted to do nothing else than to jump in the pool! refreshin... ah... anyway, i brought my camera along, hoping to get some good shots. and it turned out that i was taking pictures of skies and clouds. i think they're esthetic though. i came out of the pool, drenched and most of my fat on my body shaking and bouncing, looking so eagerly to get off, as i walked. i realised that my right ear was partially deaf, due to water getting into them. it's reli irritating. that blocked feeling in ur ear. it makes me feel like, deaf and can't reli hear my pronounciation properly, making me talking extra loud! i was jumping and thumping the floor trying to shake it off (Mariah Carey's Shake It Off!) but failed after attempting it for a few mins. came back and tried shaking my head off. it felt like i could almost popped out of my head! carina laffed czo she saw me shaking. i told her to blow inside my ear. but it didn't help either. i tried sleeping down on my right ear. still no help. at last, i gave up and left it there. till now, i still have that in my ear! reli annoying! when i sing, it sounds like... so different! urgh. and it's making me pronounce my word twice! so annoyed! if anyone knows any effective way to get thiss off, pls leave ur comments! i'm desperate and annoyed!!
LOL. woke up yesterday with a dream that i wet my bed and everything was so messy. woke up with a jolt and found out that everything was so dry and cool coz the air-con was left on for the whole night besides realising that i'm gonna wet my bed anytime soon if i don't hurry to the toilet. as i went out of the room, shivering slightly due to the coldness, i passed grandma's room and saw that the bedsheet of her bed was off and the bed was overturned. not giving it much of a thought, i headed straight to the toilet and "unloaded" myself. owhh. can even feel the warmness of the liquid flowing out. LOL. after that, i went to the living room, with blurred eyes and dried drool around my mouth, i asked akak where's grandma. she told me that grandma had alredi went to the hospital as she started vomitting and messing up everything in her room. i was like, great! just right after two weeks discharged from the hospital, there she goes again. i can't help but to feel a lil bit pissed off. don't know why. yet, i felt a gush of disappointment and went back to bed and lie there. still shivering, akak came in and told me to wake up coz she was about to clean the room. so i was chased out of the room, with my handphone, went to the living room again and sat down on the wooden couch (made of wood, don't know what u call it) and switched on the tv to DisneyChannel. watched tv for a few minutes and edmund woke up. had to go out and buy breakfast for him. so i hurried off with my keys and got sumthin and went back home. all in all, feeling sleepy. got back and got a quick bath, had breakfast and switched on the DVD with Batman Begins and watched it with edmund. spent like half an hour and came adrian and carina (my cuzins) and their mom to have lunch at our house coz she didn't cook. got hooked off the show, so i switched it off. suggested that we go watch amovie since i'm not going to church in the evening. everyone agreed, plans were made and carried out in just a few mins. aunt put us off at Bukit Jambul half an hour before the show. we bought tickets for Initial D and went to get sum snacks to eat in the cinema. just imagine, a 15year old with a 14year old taking a 12 and 7 year old boy to the mall. LOL. it looks funny though. i just don't know why, but i enjoy going out with my cuzins and family more than i enjoy going out with my frens, which is nearly, none. LOL. i guess coz, when i go out with my frens, i'm always wearing a "mask" trying to prove myself worthy to others. and when i'm with family members, i'm always myself and i fel totally comfortable. but, anywayz, we went to the show and i kinda enjoyed the show. the car-racing was good. the speed, the sound effect. awesome. the down part abt the movie is that the narrating of the show, there was sumthing wrong with it. the words doesn't match the mouth movement of the actors and actresses. it was pretty lame. and jay chou was just a dissapointment to me. i'm not sure whether that it's his character that he's supposed to be liek that or if it's in his nature. he barely even speaks in the show! and he staggers so much. furthermore, he's face is so expressionless. eventho there was, it was like, so acting. but thru the whole show, i barely listened to what they said, i only followed the subtitles. LOL. overall, it was good. my favorite hit scene would be when that Jordan Chan's car went off track and landed down again, missing the other two in inches. and i have to say that, the romantic scene (especially in the car and the place with scenic view when Jay Chou got choked), simply got me to the edge of my seat! it's like the topping on the ice cake! i don't mind watching it again if i was given free tickets. LOL. and after the show, i managed to get a little gift for grace as her birthday was just this tuesday. spent like, most of my allowance for this month. dad picked us up after i called him. then, he left us at home and he and mum went to the hospital again to visit grandma. my parents have been making back and forth trips to the hospital since the last month. pity them. they barely get 6hours of sleep a day. i spent most of the night playing Mingle Dice Of Diction with adrian while watching carina and edmund hardworkingly finish their homework.
geez! wonder what has gotten into me! i just can't think of anything 2 write about now!! anyway, it's been a week now since i last wrote anything interesting. nothing seems to be sparking up my life lately. i wonder why?? everytime, for this past whole week, whenever i wanted 2 blog, i always lose my mind on what i wanted 2 write abt. maybe i'm suffering from Short-Term Memory Loss. anyway, my week was allrite. all i can remmeber now is that, i had to attend some Annual General Meetings on Monday and Tuesday for my sch clubs and societies (which i'm at all inactive in all of them!) and the week passed so quickly. and i got Khang Yang reminding abt exams and stuff. he sed that there was like still 16days to go till our next exams and there's like 84 days to PMR. like, he's always my reality awake-r (wonder if there's a word?). i'm doin nothing now, besides typing this. i'm watching Step Forward on 8TV. it's a documentary show, promoting the interesting places in Malaysia and the industrial activities in Malaysia. it's aired every sunday, 6.30pm. it's reli an interesting show and the host is just a joker! it's in mandarin but it has malay subtitles. i began watching since after i accidentally stumbled upon the channel a few weeks ago. the show ain't that bad and watching the host's silly antics are already a handful.