Thursday, June 29, 2006


Someone : Why are you being so quiet?
Matt : Ahem... Am I?
Someone : Yes you are. You're quieter than usual.
Matt : Oh... my mouth hurts because of the braces.
Someone : Really?
Matt : *nods*
Someone : Something upsetting you?
Matt : *stares blankly*

I've been getting quite alot of that lately. I realise my speech and talkative-ness has been reduced since I had to wear that heinous rubber band over my braces to keep my mouth shut. I've decided to shut up now that barely anyone could hear my speech. It feels like I'm speaking German or something when everybody I talk to goes, "Hah? What? I beg your pardon!". I, for one, am not fan of repetition. It's annoying when I can't get my messages through and I'd have to repepat myself for several times before getting to it. Why the fuss, I asked myself. Might as well shut up and cause no one to assume that they've got hearing disorders.

That was just part of the reason why my noise level got lowered down in the past couple of days. Talking to this particular someone the other day, it made me realise the hidden reason I was so subdued lately. When that particular someone's question was pointed towards me, "Something upsetting you?" it got my insides churning. "Is there?" I thought silently to myself as I stare at the monitor blankly for a moment or two. For as long as I can remember, I'm more of a jovial and exuberant (sometimes over-exuberant, as I've been told) person and nothing could possibly make me shut up like what I'm doing now.

I didn't answer for quite sometime when the particular someone shot me another question, "You upset over Grace's departure for varsity?". And then, it hit me. The words hit me like a train - although it was typed and sent through the Internet. I was actually upset over the fact that Grace was going to leave soon. It occured to me that I was trying to hide these feelings by surpressing them inside of me. It's slowly showing through my silence, I guess. The particular someone was right! It felt as though the particular person understood me and for a second, I thought the particular someone knew how I felt. I dismissed the thought by saying that it's just a wild guess by that particular someone. Our conversations did not continue after that. I just closed the chat window and kept silent.

After what seemed like hours, thinking about Grace, I forced myself to pull out my Maths textbook to complete the homework Mr. Khor gave. As I tried to solve the equations, pressing harder and harder on the pencil that a dent was visible on the back pages, I kept saying to myself, "How could I have missed it? This was the reason! Look at how it's affecting me!".


Which reminds me, I haven't packed my bags for this weekend yet. LOL. I'm sure you're bored out about my packing dilemmas by now. I'm certainly not THAT excited about this trip.

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