"Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end?"
Every good thing does come to an end. Here, when I was thinking to myself that Grace would probably still be here, begging me to go shopping with her with her next pay check, she's packing her bags for her studies. Literally. It was dumb of me to actually think that it'll last. At least, for a little while more. I thought she could still be here dictating me on my next algebraic equation. Now, all the supended equations that I was too lazy to even ask her would be left unanswered. *sighs*
Well, we got our prayers answered and she got her varsity application approved. The trip down to K.L. for that interview was worthwile, after all. Not to say I'm not happy for her, I seriously am glad that she gets to pursue her studies. Her sudden change of mood the past two days could easily give her off as OVERjoyed! She's leaving by the end of this month, which is in 2weeks time. She's happy, and I just feel lost. I find the thought of her leaving for varsity quite depressing (here I go again, all emotional again).
She's my sister isn't she?
She's also my best friend (how ironic!). Someone who I can easily turn to. Over the years of cat-fights and hair-pulling situations, we've grown to love each other like we've never loved anyone else before. Honestly, when I was eight, the thought of getting along with that old nasty witch was absolutely out of the question! The only thing we shared together was endless screaming and yells and of course, the same parents. I always see her as the person whom I can hate the most in the world. She was a disciplinarian (I think it's just in the blood), that's for sure. She used to make me do the dishes with a cane, standing by my side, as I did whatever she said helplessly while I tried to wipe off the tears trickling down into the dishes from my eyes. That was the nasty witch I was referring to! However, she really did knocked some basic kitchen skills into me till today (I can do dishes!)!
Due to unforseen circumstances, things started to change between us dramatically as we grew up. No more canes and yells. The catfights stopped and we could suddenly be singing along together to the tune of Britney Spears' Baby One More Time. That was one of the classical moments we had, eh? Thanks to her, I got to know about Backstreet Boys and Christina Auilera back then! Thinking back, I really do miss her. Wait, she's not even gone yet! LOL. Still, we learnt to love each other as brother and sister and by the time we were both officially teenagers, the bond between us was (and is still) really tight. She comes to me and I go to her for advices and stuff alike. She has always been the one that's been "taming" me and (actually) vice versa. Of course, we both have our own distinguishable weaknesses that we were constantly reminding each other about.
Most people are actually surprise to see the love we share between us both. C'mon, how many elder sister and younger brother relationship do you see that's not dysfunctional? We go out and we really stick together. "Wah, you're so close with your brother, Grace!" one can easily hear the other exclaim about our closeness. Growing up as Catholics too, we were brought up in a home with unconditional love. I guess we'll have to give credit to that also. Besides, mom and dad has always stressed on a strong bond between siblings. Now that we've grown so close to each other, it's kind of an understatement if I said I didn't mind her going at all.
Of course, putting up with a false smile while giving her a a warm tight bear hug, spluttering out the word, "Congratulations", while I deliberately fought back my tears, was hard enough. It's not my card to pull to say that I don't encourage her to go. Mom's as worried as I am, considering her history of changing boyfriends as aften as changing lipsticks! No, she's not a slut, if you were thinking of that! It was just in her teenage years that she thought boyfriends were the IN thing. LOL. Immaturity runs in the family too, I can say. KL isn't a very safe place to stay either, is it now? With endless numbers of crime reports each day spotted in the newspapers, mom was so close to refusing her the opportunity to pursue her studies in KL. Until dad stopped her from doing so, only she did returned to her normal self. The only thing I can do is pray that God protects her and guides her every move when she's living alone in the big, dangerous, city of KL!
The news of her varsity application approval didn't reached my ears firsthand. I was kind of pissed off about that, by the way. It was kind of hard to grasp the fact that she was leaving on the 30th of June to a 3-year long course on Linguistic in Universiti Malaya. It had an affect on me of some sort when I got the news from mom as she entered the car. I was on the verge of breaking down when I thought, quietly, to myself of the day she was leaving to venture into a whole new world of varsity life! Frankly, I DO have a heavy heart when it comes to her leaving the house. The last time she left the house was when she finished her SPM, to Perth to get some business knowledge with Aunt Teresa - she owns an acupunctre centre with her husband and earns a decent living in Perth. That took her about a month or so, I can't remember. That ws also a hard time for us. And now, she's leaving for three years! I'm beginning to miss her already!
Bah, three years sounds long when I out it THAT way! Mom says it's just going to be snap of a finger before we actually attend her convocation. LOL. Sharing the same feeling as I am about Grace's varsity life, mom's always thinking of picturusque futures. I'm sure she's going to make alot of trips back and we're going to make alot of trips there, right? Right? Right? *bites nails*. I've taken the liberty to draw up some new rules like, making an effort to always come back for someone's birthday and important occasions! She still needs her monthly dental check-up in Penang! Insurance of a meet every month! Am I being too selfish here? Don't think so. I'm keeping this to myself. Besides, I'm not restraining her from going!
I hope she mixes with the right crowd when she's there and I hope that we'll still be as close as we are now when she comes back. As much as I don't like the thought of her going, I still want her to go! It's for the best for everyone! She'll graduate and earn a good living and I'll just live off her! LOL. Just a little future-planning we used to do on our own, predicting our own future and how it's going to be like whe we're both grown-ups. How fast time flies when you're spending it with your loved ones. I still have an old picture of her, in her pretty littele red dress carrying me in her arms so joyfully!
Oh, I can't wait for the 3 years to come to an end! Life's definitely going to be really different when she's not around. Her bedroom's going to be empty, only akak's going to be occupying that room. I'm going to have to get used to spending lonely nights watching Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives alone now. Until those 3years come to a an abrupt hault, I'm still asking myself with these questions.
Who am I going to point my Add. Maths questions to know?
Who am I going to turn to when trouble arises now?
Who am I going to share my food with now?
Who am I going to share gossips with?
Who is she going to turn to for fashion tips when she's living alone?
Who am I going to scream Delta Goodrem's song with?
Will she write to me like she used to when she was in Perth?
Who am I going to go shopping with now?
Who's going to spend the whole night staying up watching movies with me now?
I was also thinking of taking my motorbike license since I've already passed the legal age of bike-riding in this country. Now that Grace is going away, I'm immobilised completely! I guess the bike should compensate, huh? And yes, my title and introduction is from one of the titles of Nelly Furtado's songs in her latest album (Loose). It just sets the right mood for me to "celebrate" Grace's departure. OMG, I'm making it sound like she's dead or something! *smacks my own head*.
How I love my sister. =)
"Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming"