Saturday, November 12, 2005
I Know, I Shouldn't Have!!
had a huge fight with the whole family last night. cried myself to sleep. ugh. i'm not quite sure what have i done. but it's pretty bad and had leave a big scar. it's about the computer. i told u i reformatted the whole thing and i lost every single data in the system. the datas include my file of Family Photos which recently had pictures like My Confirmation, Renovation, My Floral Collection, Grace's (ong) Wedding and much more stuff! i usually put them in my external hard drive monthly. but since, i just moved to ah chiu's house for the first time, stupid me decided to leave the external hard drive (which costs RM300 and was my b'day gift) packed up in the box and left at the rented storeroom. my assumption was that my computer wouldn't give me any trouble for the next 2 months. but my assumption was wrong. it borke down and i reformatted it (didn't even know what i was doing then). and now, this is where i am. about the fight, i stareted to tell grace that the i spoiled my comp and lost all it's data and the reaction i got was not as calm as the raging sea. she started raising her voice and got mum's attention. then later, i told mum whta happened and she too went ballistic! she started yelling at me for being "over-smart" and for not bringing the external hard drive. everyone was pretty pissed off. and mum continue to yell at me staying stuff like, "how could u have not bring the hard drive" and "sometimes ur over-smart till u do things ur way". i can't remember her exact words, but again, stupid me, yelled mback at her. i said "what has this got to do with being smart?? i assumed that that my computer will not blow up! so i didn't bring it. ok, i'm sori! i shouldn't have assumed. assumption is the mother of all fucked up!" and she started a whole new quarrell about me and my language, "u mind ur language! how dare u say 'fuck u'! ( i think she didn't really heard what i said) i'll go there and smack u! and how dare u raise ur voice on me!" no, it's not funny! she was pissed and i was pissed! and then i went, " it all reflects u mom! and there's nothing wrong with my language" what i was trying to say that it's not my behaviour or stupidity or stubborness that reflects her. it's me yelling at her that reflects her cause she was the one who started yelling at me! how am i suppose to answer her in a soft and calm tone when she's like that with me?? and i think she got the message that i reflect all her bad values and started blaming herself for being such a bad mum. she even said something abt 15 years! i know i was in the wrong. i know i shouldn't have yelled back at her and answered her back in mostly everything she said! but emotions are hard to control. i felt so bad and cried myself to sleep. so did her. i know she was just trying to teach me (in a harsh tone) or to aware me (in a harsh tone!0 of what my mistake was. but couldn't she do it more adult-ly?? like sitting on the table and discuss it?? but i'm not blaming her. it's my fault. i was totally aware of the situation but still i kept on going with my piercing words. u have to know something that i don't get this mad all the time. it only happens once in a blue moon. and i don't use foul language on either of my parents! what i done was pretty bad and i couldn't reverse time. i feel really sori but i'm not ready to apologise yet. although i know i totally should. i don't know what to say. i'm really sori. and i feel really lousy. and mum had just left for a 2 day formaton in the church. won't be seeing her anytime soon. it made me wonder, before i went to sleep last night, whether other teenagers at my age would have a quarrell like that with their parents. i honestly think that i'm the only one.