Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Rejected Proposal.

Apparently, my high spirits and hopes of spending this afternoon, happily, catching back with episodes of Grey's Anatomy, Prison Break or The O.C didn't come true when I started changing templates of my desktop again. Admittedly, it HAS been a long time since I last changed my desktop skin after I managed to reside with one of the most perfect Vista skins I've ever come about. Was reluctant to change but the inner me was screaming for another transformation.

Well, I came back from school feeling particularly pissed off today. Don't get me wrong. I had a good time in school, not paying the slightest attention towards all the teachers but kept busy with the eagerness to finish my copy of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince in school. I couldn't help but feel a little lighter today, considering the fact that I DID pull off the proposal at the very last minute. Though, I must say that I could've done a far more better job at it if I'd took the initiative to complete it a week before! Went to bed at about 1.30 a.m. last night, causing the bags under my eyes to stretch even wider, deeper and darker. Couldn't blame the propsal entirely for it as I did, regretfully, crept out of my room to watch some stupid Cantonese ghost flick that lasted till 12.45 a.m. everytime the commercial ended.

Not that I'm a big fan of these inexplicably cheap horror flick, only aired by cable TV or that I might stay up pass 12 a.m. to watch some horror movie that I have never heard of. It's just the fun of doing so during the Hungry Ghost Festival. It has became customary to me (over the years of eagerly trying to scare myself during this time) to always watch at least one horror flick that's aired on cable during the Hungry Ghost Festival. It's just the fun of it I guess. TV3 has never failed to entertain it's viewers everytime of the year around. It's just that they seem t be running out of movies to air over the past few years. Well, it still doesn't bother me to watch re-runs of last year's Cantonese horror flick.

Anywa the day started well with the cancellation of Wednesday assembly due to the drizzling outside the overly grey clouds. KY nodding his head rythmically as he flipped through the pages of my proposal. I didn't intend to show it to him, knowing that I would feel rather restless about his comments on technical mistakes. He cornered me early in the morning as I was on my way to class and he asked me politely, to show him what I have come up with the last minute. "I guess that should be allright," he said cheerfully as he handed the file back to me. I got reprimanded by Mr. Khor for talking with other students outside the class while the teacher was in the class, causing KY and his friends who were there to scamper off hurriedly as I take the blow for being rude.

That didn't quite ruin my mood... yet. I guess it must be the euphoria that I was feeling after passing KY's verdict, that I took out my copy of Harry Potter alongside my Maths notes. carefully placing the notes and the textbook on the table, I hid Harry Potter under the desk, afraid that Mr. Khor would detect the book wrapped in bright green paper with daisy imprinted over it. Like normal, Mr. Khor started lecturing the class about manners when he was supposed to start off lesson for the day. I felt that I was excluded from the crowd and that it was safe to read. So I opened the book to where I left my bookmark and picked up where I left off, half the book hidden under the desk.

Who could've guessed? I got so immersed with the book that I felt that there was no point in trying to pay attention in class anymore for the rest of the day. I had double periods of Accountancy after Mr. Khor. Aiman showed up with my book today. I really saw no point of following Ms. Chee's almost-deranged explanation on the subject of Depreciation even though I had my note book with me today. Or you can say that Harry Potter got the best of me! Still, I could hear a faint cry deep inside me, telling me that I should at least pay attention to her scribblings on the board even if I refused to take down notes. A sense of guilt rushed over me later that day, when Edward (who was walking beside me) greeted Ms. Chee while strolling in the empty hallways during recess and she greeted the both of us back. I didn't even said anything to that and she was on her way off already, smiling a little to herself. I was sorry that she was so oblivious about me reading under the desk the whole time she was battling for attention from the class.

Accountancy came by and past with me dedicating the entire double periods to try to get to the end of the book. I treated the other subjects of the day no differently - except for that one period with Mr. Samad. Didn't have the guts to mess with him and dutifully finished all the questions he gave. Imagine the consequences that I have to suffer if he discovered me not cracking my head to solve his Add. Maths questions. Mr. Goh however, took a slight notice that I was reading and asked me what book it was. He had nothing against me as I was taking down hsi scribbles on the blackboard as well. He peered into my book as if to see if I was telling the truth. Spotting the word Harry Potter, he told me that he have downloaded the audio versions of the six books altogether and later asking me if I'm interested in having a copy. "No thanks, sir. I prefer reading," I said to him, smiling.

I also spent my recess disecting the pages of Harry Potter. Initially, I brought Accountancy note book along, hoping to at least get some work done by the time the bell rang. I went back to class to grab Harry Potter after realising that I won't be able to concentrate with the amount of students gathered at the pond area, all having their own cliques and groups occupying different spots. Past the time (regretfully) chatting to Edward and reading. School felt like it ended quickly, with me, detached form reality and submerged in a world of magic. Pretty easy if you ask me. I felt more elated when I was spared any scolding or confiscation of books during our double periods of History. Seriously, I had my head down the whole time (it kind of hurts now), transfixed with the book under my desk and not participating at all in class! Mrs. Tan was either oblivious to this or that she thought that it was a waste of time to get me to concetrate in class.

The bell rang and I proceeded to the next classroom where the Interact Club meeting was to be held. I was feeling such a great sense of relief that I wasn't even scared anymore to face the whole board of directors. I was approached by the president before the meeting started, asking me for the proposal. I handed it over to him, with a slight sense of satisfaction and nervousness. He flipped through the pages and I saw his expression slowly changed. It seemed to me that he was quite cross with my proposal.

I have no idea why but my wild guess would be that I left a blank space on the 'student advisor' column in my Organising Committee page. He told me off, in the most polite way that he seemed to be struggling with that my proposal was going to be project they were planning for three years ahead. His tone of voice sounded accusatory enough when he asked me why did I have to aim for something THIS grand. He took no hesitation on pointing out my other technical errors. I have to say in my defence, that the whole format of the paperwork I prepared was what I copied down a couple of weeks before when he wrote it on the blackboard!! I did exactly the same way he showed us on the blackboard and yet, he sounded accusing enough that I did things my way and disregarded the matter.

"I'm afraid you have to re-do this for me," he said, indignantly. Of course, a low post subordinate
like me would not even dare the thought of retaliating with him. I took his orders and I assured him that the proposal will be ready by our next meeting. Still, something inside of me was burning and I felt a great deal of discomfort. Not to mention how stupid and feeble I felt after he walked away. He didn't return my proposal but left it pinned under his books and files. "I will not allow him to show the other directors about my work and let him have fun and talk crap about it with his fellow mates," I thought angrily. I took back what belonged to me and kept it in my file once more.

I asked him for a copy of a proper proposal which he happened to have in his hand. He past it to me and I deposited it into my bag also. Obedient as I was, I stayed for the meeting, even after what happened. It turned out to be a meeting for the president to lecture his subordinates about responisbilities and cooperation. Like having to sit through his 20 minute lecture wasn't enough, I felt that the whole cause of him talking was because of me. Certainly, I didn't retaliate when he told me to re-do the proposal but he mentioned something like, "When I tell you people to re-do your proposals, you have to do it. Orders given are to be carried out. You shall not argue or chuck things aside. If you encounter any problems, you are to come consult me!"

Was he talking to me?

I was seriously pissed off by the time I got to the car. I felt that the president handled things a little too harshly and crude. There was something about the way he talked to me: like he was refraining from saying really harsh words to me with his constant roll of eyes when clearly, it was my first time of preparing a proposal. Injustice, I'd say. *sighs*. I grudgingly told dad what heppened when he asked about it as soon as I got in the car. Luckily, I fell asleep (from the lack of sleep last night) quickly enough to save me from further interrogation or advices that I felt, at that point, useless.

Feeling ill-treated and angry, I rewarded myelf with a free afternoon of doing nothing. Didn't have the mood to correct the paperwork just yet. When I had finished with decorating my desktop and felt self-satisfied, the tiny flame of euphoria was still flickering in me. I downloaded some music, checked my emails and replied Grace's overflowing emails in my inbox. Retired off to some TV right after that, to only discover another new singer by the name of Joshua Radin with his single Closer. Kind of nice to me. The name was intriguing enough for me to download his music, honestly. I'm planning to sleep early today, hoping to regain my consciousness in school tomorrow or I might as well be a walking zombie. Used ot be able to do this but can't even past 12 a.m. anymore these days, without feeling extremely lazy the day after. Couldn't be bothered to complete any of my homework also.

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