You know, yawning in mass can be really embarassing. Especially when singing a hymn. "Holy, holy, hol...yaaaaawwwnnnn..." It's usually like that when I'm deprived of sleep or when I'm just not in the mood to be communicating with God. I mean, mass can be so boring and tiresome at times that I could easily drop down and sleep on one of the benches, facing everyone's backside. Yawning in the middle of the hymn shows a sign of boredness and it only attracts unwelcoming stares and grunts of disapproval from the people around my viccinity. Sometimes, even people from the opposite side of the church will shoot me looks of dislike if ever they spotted me. Yawns are not easy to hide anyways. I just let them out wide, like a tiger lazing around the fields on a hot sunny afternoon.
Most of the time, hunger is also to be blame for the murder of solemnity which I ought to keep.
Today, I sat at the second back row of the church, yawning lazily as the hymn went on, not waiting for me. Hungry as well, I couldn't help but allow my mind to drift away as Father FA continued with his sermon. I know, I don't ALWAYS pay attention during mass. I'm not perfect, you know. God made me that way! Jealousy aroused inside of me when I remembered Adrian mentioning that he was going to purchase an MP3 player tomorrow at the PC Fair. Life's not fair, is it? It turned into angst when I gave it more thought. I consoled myself that dad just spent about RM500 on my new printer at the PC Fair yesterday. I guess that should compensate for my MP3 player, right? And I'm still saving for my iPod, anyways. It's settled then. No need for being jealous.
Yes, dad got me a new printer yesterday, at th PC Fair, after months my ever irritating bugging. You should know that dad's not the kind who likes to be rubbing shoulders (literally) with strangers in the hopes of getting irresistable bargains on goods. He'd prefer paying extra and save himself from the hassle of looking for a parking space at one of those jam packed PC Fairs. Not that he's rich or anything. Somehow, the thought of swaping sweat from other few thousand computer geeks to buy a printer doesn't appeal to him. He relented and he brought me there. God blessed him with a perfect parking space under the shady tree and the not-so-packed atmosphere. Well, we went in the afternoon on a Friday. It wasn't that crowded.
However, we was rather unenthusiasted by the sight of people who had their nose pressed against a handful of pamphlets, moving around the square dreamily, cramming themselves in a flood of people and the sight of computer goods dangling from the borders of the booths. Dad just moved along, tailing my behind, looking dazed and puzzled. I had to keep ushering him to keep up with me as he'd stare fixatedly at nothing in particular. It was weird. He didn't even showed any signs of interest when the salesperson explained about the functions of the printer. All he did was receive any pamphelts shoved right in front of his face or into his hands from the nagging salesperson. I was fairly agitated and was on the verge of suggesting to go back when he finally took some interest on the printer. He started questioning the salesperson, I stood aside, kept quite and dad just signed his card. Also managed to persuade my old man to get me a couple of memory cards and pen drive before leaving.
I stood up like everyone else for Offertory, rubbed my eyes of tears and slumped back on to the bench when everyone did the same. I was trying relentlessly to keep my mind focused, I tell you. It was hard, with all those thoughts cramming my mind. I remembered about the fact that I had to depart for Perak at 1.30pm tomorrow. The thought of my opened, half filled luggage lingered on my mind for a second and I decided to cut time by remembering the things that I have left out during packing. I couldn't pay attention in mass, so I tried to keep busy.
I left the church after a brief chat with Nicholas after for what seemed like ages ince we last met, feeling guilty and sinful of myself. Now, I'm staring at my luggage, excited that the day I've been waiting for for the past week has arrived. I can't help but imagine how things are going to be like tomorrow! Fairly nervous (as usual) about the environment and the peeple I'm going to meet there. Just for the record, I filled my luggage with 10 pieces of T-shirts among other necessity. What? I sweat alot. I've got my chargers, camera, medication and etc. etc. also.
The funny thing about packing my bags and preparing for this camp this time is that I'm being fussed around with words like, "Be careful when you're in the jungle", "Don't simply say things or call out people's name when in the jungle" and "Always stay with the group and don't get yourself lost!". It's really freaking me out that my family's kinda superstitious in a way. Even Grace had her fair share of telling me to keep away from the supernatural in her reply to my email when I emailed her today that I'd be leaving tomorrow. I don't want to believe these as I've said before, nothing will happen if you don't believe, right? Still, a little part of me wishes to just stay as far away from these "unseen forces". Akak was also creeping me out when she forced me to bring salt with me and when I refused, she stuffed it into my luggage secretly, looking worried and blatantly brushed the whole topic off by saying that it might help with the leeches. Hmmm...
My family really freaks me out at times. Just to clear the air, I don't believe in any of those but I'm still taking the initiative to take precautions. After all, I have God with me.
So I think I better get to bed and keep those "advices" in mind. I still have my monthly dental appointment tomorrow and the choir practice before I leave for Perak. Another busy day tomorrow. I won't be back till Wednesday night. Pray for my safety and for the smoothness of my journey! I'll definitely drop a word if there will be internet connection available in the middle of the jungle!