Singing & Self Consciousness.

While I was on my way down to Gurney, somewhere in Penang (never good with road names or location, unlike the typical egoistic male would know), I spotted (from inside the car) a guy (who I think is somewhat like my age or younger or older, just a teenage), as the car took a turn to the left following the shape of the triangle, walking on the pavement while his lips moved to the rythm of a certain song amidst the busyness (how do you speel this word) of the street. He wasn't wearing any earphones though.

Then it somehow occured to me that I was one of those teenagers who had listen to too much (is music countable?) music than we should be spending time on our school work or house chores, and somehow are able to sing the song or rhyme out the tune whenever we want. Or maybe most of the time, if I think really hard. LOL. I mean, I sing most of the time if i was walking alone on the pavement to somewhere. I won't sing dramatically (which refers to singins with all those hand gestures and face expressions that would draw anybody's attention) but rather just move my lips and sing to myself. Of course, the presence of an MP3 player or an iPod may make the environment better, but people like me just can't afford either one. But I do have a discman (a childhood desire to get one after seeing it appear on alot of shows) which now proves that it's too bulky and heavy to be carried around behind your backpack for just listening purposes.

It's like when I do that (singing to myself like an insane person talking to himself) it feels as if that there's a mental radio playing on in my head. I can imagine the song running itself in my head and can do just about anything to it like rewind, forward, pause and even repeat!! LOL. I'd call it self entertainment! But nowadays, most teenagers have "gadgets" like iPods or a simple MP3 player to entertain them whereever they go, with the spotting of earphones plugged in their ears at really unecessary times, not to mention inappropriate places, i.e. the cinema. Believe it or not, I used to think of it as "cool" to have one of those things stuck in your ear while you ignore the person talking to you in public. But now, it all seems to me a sad consequence from peer pressure and the dire need to be "in and happening". Oh, I've been through that lousy stage in teenage life!! You'll never know how a wannabee I was when I was about 12 or 13. I seriously don't see myself as one now.

Although I may be a little self-conscious at times. Grace reminded me that I was. I kind of wore a jeans that was a little to "tight" - don't worry, you'll never see me again in tight jeans, I've learned my lessons. I mean, the only reason I did that was to prove to myself that I have not gained weight after all those holiday feasting. It did went up to the "thighs". That was where I had a tiny struggle to push it up the ass. Well, I was wrong as usual and by the time I reached Gurney, the jeans were killing me. The sound of the pair of jeans rubbing against each other was so obvious with my every step. So I told Grace my problem and she took a good look at THE ass and agreed with me. I kept blabbering about my condition the whole trip and she probably got tired of it. "Why the hell are you so self conscious? What has gotten into you??" she asked me exasperatingly. As what evry human will do, I denied her accusations but had a serious thought about it in myself. Guess she's right. I got carried away. I'm gonna stop being THAT self conscious from now on. Please remind me if I am.

I'm the carefree one. No worries. I don't care about what other's think of me (unless it's close friends or family members). I must keep reminding myself of that!! Urgh! it's so easy to be drifted away by the crowd!!